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What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
Sofishticated.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut.
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What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
It let out a little wine.
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Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts.
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What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
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Why did the math book look so sad?
Because it had too many problems.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
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How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
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Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two-tired.
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What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
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How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
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What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
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Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
Because it felt crummy.
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What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman.
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Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged.
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What do you call a factory that sells generally okay products?
A satis-factory.
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Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
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What do you call a singing computer?
A Dell.
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Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.
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What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.
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How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
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What do you call a camel with three humps?
Pregnant.
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Why did the man put his money in the blender?
He wanted to make liquid assets.
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What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
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Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn't peeling well.
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What do you call a group of disorganized cats?
A cat-astrophe.
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Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
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What do you call a bear that's stuck in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
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How do you catch a theater?
You watch the play.
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What do you call a pig with no shoes?
A barefoot pig.
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Why did the student eat his homework?
Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
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What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A labracadabrador.
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What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
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Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
He had no body to go with.
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What do you call a pile of cats?
A meowtain.
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How do you make a lemon drop?
Let it fall.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
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Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
To get to the other side of the court.
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What do you call a bear that knows how to use a chainsaw?
A lumberjack.
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What do you call a fish that wears a crown?
A kingfish.
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Why did the music teacher need a ladder?
To reach the high notes.
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What do you call a dog that loves to bake?
A labracadabrador.
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What do you call a cat that eats lemons?
A sourpuss.
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Why did the frog park his car on the side of the road?
It was towed.
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What do you call a dog that can do math?
A number cruncher.
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What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moosician.
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Why did the computer go to the dentist?
It had a Bluetooth.
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What do you call a bear with no ears?
B.
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What do you call a dinosaur that sleeps all day?
A dino-snore.
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Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
It was stuffed.
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What do you call a pig that knows how to play the drums?
A pork rock.
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What do you call a bird that's stuck in a tree?
A tweet.
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Why did the farmer use a trampoline?
To make a crop circle.
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What do you call a dog that can tell time?
A watchdog.
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What do you call a cat that can fly?
A cat-copter.
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Why did the ghost go to the bar?
For the boos.
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What do you call a sheep that can sing?
A ba-ritone.
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What do you call a snake that works in construction?
A boa constructor.
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Why did the banana go to the beach?
To get a tan.
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What do you call a bear that's a social media influencer?
A fur-fluencer.
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What do you call a dog that can play the piano?
A lab-ra-doodle.
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Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
He was outstanding in his field.
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What do you call a cow that can't make up its mind?
A moo-sic cow.
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What do you call a fish that can dance?
A tuna-fish.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?
For a root canal.
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What do you call a dog that loves to eat?
A chow hound.
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What do you call a cat that loves to drink milk?
A purr-maid.
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Why did the football player go to the bank?
To get his quarterback.
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What do you call a bear with a sore throat?
A grizzly bear.
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What do you call a sheep that can dance?
A hip-hop lamb.
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Why did the tomato go to the gym?
To get a little more dicey.
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What do you call a dog that loves to swim?
A labrador retriever.
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What do you call a cat that can cook?
A purr-fect chef.
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Why did the apple go to the doctor?
Because it wasn't feeling well.
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What do you call a cow that can do yoga?
A moo-ga cow.
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What do you call a fish that can drive?
A car-p.
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Why did the elephant sit on the marshmallow?
He didn't want to fall into the hot chocolate.
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What do you call a dog that can do tricks?
A labra-cadabra.
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What do you call a cat that loves to sleep?
A purr-maid.
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Why did the orange stop?
It ran out of juice.
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What do you call a cow that can play the guitar?
A moo-sician.
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What do you call a fish that can play chess?
A pawn-d fish.
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Why did the chicken go to the seance?
To talk to the other side.
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What do you call a dog that can climb trees?
A barkour.
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What do you call a cat that loves to take baths?
A purr-maid.
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What do you call a cow that can sing?
A moo-ical cow.
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What do you call a fish that can read?
A book-bass.
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What do you call a dog that can do the dishes?
A labra-doodle.
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What do you call a cat that loves to travel?
A purr-maid.
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What do you call a cow that can dance?
A moo-ver.
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What do you call a fish that can play the trumpet?
A tuna-trumpet.