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Why did the employee bring a ladder to the office?
Because they wanted to reach their full potential.
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What do you call a worker who never takes a break?
A burned-out hustler.
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Why was the spreadsheet so good at its job?
It had all the right cells.
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How do you make a boss laugh on Monday morning?
Tell them your weekend was productive.
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Why did the coffee file a complaint with HR?
It kept getting roasted by the intern.
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What’s the IT department’s favorite type of music?
Blues – because they love fixing the bluescreens.
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Why did the meeting refuse to start on time?
It was waiting for the agenda to show up.
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How do you spot an overworked employee?
Their inbox has more unread emails than the CEO’s spam folder.
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Why don’t coworkers ever play hide and seek?
Because good luck finding someone during a fire drill.
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What did the printer say to the paper jam?
You’re really holding things up.
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Why did the accountant break up with the calculator?
It couldn’t count on them.
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What’s the loudest sound in the office?
The silence after someone asks a question in a group chat.
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Why did the intern bring string to work?
To tie up loose ends.
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How do you know someone works in HR?
They’ll tell you – repeatedly – about their open-door policy.
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Why was the janitor the best employee?
Because he always cleaned up after the messes.
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What do you call a bored worker at their desk?
A candidate for the window seat.
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Why did the boss walk into a bar?
To find out why nobody was drinking at the office.
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How does a programmer ask for a raise?
They’d rather refactor their code than negotiate.
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Why did the salesperson bring a mirror to the client meeting?
To reflect on their pitch.
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What did the filing cabinet say to the stack of papers?
You need to get yourself together.
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Why don’t office plants ever complain?
They’re just grateful for the occasional sunlight.
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What’s the most common phrase heard during a Zoom call?
“Can you hear me now?” – followed by an awkward mute button dance.
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Why did the server crash?
It couldn’t handle the volume of requests for “quick questions.”
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How do you tell if a coworker is on a conference call?
They’re nodding while staring at a blank spreadsheet.
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Why did the employee bring a watch to the brainstorming session?
Because they wanted to time their contributions perfectly.
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What did the copy machine say when it broke down?
I need a break from all this duplication.
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Why did the desk lamp get promoted?
It always shed light on the problem.
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How does a workaholic celebrate Friday?
By planning their Monday morning to-do list.
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What’s the difference between a boss and a thermostat?
A thermostat actually responds to input.
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Why did the employee take a nap in the supply closet?
Because their job description said “think outside the box.”
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What do you call a meeting with no agenda?
A social hour you can’t escape.
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Why did the mouse give up its job at the office?
It was tired of being a scrolling annoyance.
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How does an email know when it’s been read?
The sender gets a passive-aggressive “k” in reply.
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Why was the water cooler the most popular employee?
Because everyone gathered around it to hear the gossip.
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What did the receptionist say to the ringing phone?
“Hold your horses – I’ve got eight other lines on pause.”
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Why did the accountant stop using spreadsheets?
They kept getting audited by the coffee stain fairy.
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What do you call a group of employees waiting for a promotion?
A silent prayer circle.
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Why did the office chair roll away?
It couldn’t support that level of dead weight.
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How do you know it’s really Wednesday at work?
Everyone is just two days away from the weekend – and three days from giving up.
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Why did the developer change their desk every week?
They were looking for the optimal working environment.
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What’s an intern’s favorite type of music?
Anything that doesn’t involve responsibility.
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Why did the manager write a new policy?
Because the old one couldn’t be understood by anyone.
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What did the stapler say when it ran out of staples?
I’m feeling a bit unhinged.
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Why did the employee quit their job at the calendar factory?
They got tired of counting the days off.
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How do you spot a new coworker on their first day?
They’re the one asking where the bathrooms are.
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Why did the presentation get an award?
Because it transformed a simple idea into a marathon of slides.
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What do you call a meeting that could have been an email?
A waste of 45 minutes and a good coffee break.
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Why did the boss call a meeting about the thermostat?
To establish who has the final say on the temperature – and then ignore it.
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How does a project manager greet new features?
With a spreadsheet of unknown dependencies.
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Why did the office elevator break down?
It couldn’t handle the weight of everyone’s Monday morning complaints.