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Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged.
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What do you call a coffee that's good at baseball?
A pitcher.
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Why did the coffee bean go to the doctor?
It was feeling a bit roasted.
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How does coffee say good morning?
"Java nice day!"
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What did the coffee say to the sugar?
"You sweeten my day."
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Why did the coffee break up with the tea?
It was too bitter.
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What's a coffee's favorite song?
"Ground Control to Major Tom."
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Why did the coffee get promoted?
It was always on the grind.
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What do you call a coffee that's too hot?
A mug-shot.
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How do you fix a broken coffee mug?
With a little bit of Java.
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Why did the coffee get a ticket?
It was brewing too fast.
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What do you call a coffee that's always late?
A slow drip.
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Why did the coffee invite the donut?
For a little cup of companionship.
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What's a coffee's favorite type of music?
Hip hop (because of the drip).
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Why did the coffee go to the gym?
To get a better grind.
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What do you call a coffee that's good at math?
A bean counter.
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Why did the coffee get glasses?
It couldn't see the bottom of the cup.
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How does a coffee bean say hello?
"Espresso yourself."
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What did the barista say to the caffeine?
"You're my bean friend."
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Why did the coffee go to therapy?
It had too many grounds for concern.
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What do you call a coffee that's always happy?
A latte positive.
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Why did the coffee get arrested?
For strong-arming the creamer.
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How do you make a coffee laugh?
Tell it a latte jokes.
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What's a coffee's favorite day of the week?
Brew-day (Tuesday).
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Why did the coffee get a raise?
It had a lot of potential energy.
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What do you call a coffee that's a comedian?
A stand-up roaster.
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Why did the coffee stop talking to the tea?
It found it too steep.
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What did the coffee say to the water?
"You complete me."
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Why did the coffee bean go to school?
To become a well-grounded individual.
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How does a coffee show affection?
It gives a warm embrace.
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What do you call a coffee that's a detective?
A bean sleuth.
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Why did the coffee go to the beach?
To get a tan from all that roasting.
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What's a coffee's favorite movie?
"The Grind."
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Why did the coffee refuse to fight?
It didn't want to stir up trouble.
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How do you know when coffee is lying?
It's full of beans.
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What did the coffee say after a long day?
"I need a break."
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Why did the coffee get a library card?
To check out some espresso-ssionism.
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What's a coffee's favorite game?
Groundhog Day.
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Why did the coffee break up with the milk?
It was too flaky.
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How does coffee stay in shape?
It does a lot of cup curls.
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What do you call a coffee that's a musician?
A bean player.
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Why did the coffee go to the party?
To get a little tipsy.
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What's a coffee's favorite drink?
Itself, of course.
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Why did the coffee get a new car?
It wanted to travel grounds.
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How do you apologize to a coffee?
Say, "I'm sorry, I'm a little bitter."
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What did the coffee say to the mug?
"You hold me up."
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Why did the coffee cross the road?
To get to the other grind.
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What's a coffee's favorite hobby?
Bean collecting.
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Why did the coffee get a new job?
It wanted to be a latte artist.
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How does coffee greet the sunrise?
With a fresh brew.