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Why did the blonde put her clock in the freezer?
She wanted to see time stand still.
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What do you call a blonde with a calculator?
An accountant who's really good at counting to ten.
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Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice carton?
It said 'concentrate' and she was waiting for it to think.
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How does a blonde change a light bulb?
She holds it and waits for the world to revolve around her.
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Why did the blonde take a ladder to the bar?
She heard the drinks were on the house.
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What did the blonde say when she saw the sign 'School Zone'?
'Finally, a place where kids are the speed limit!'
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Why did the blonde put her phone in the oven?
She wanted a hotline.
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How do you confuse a blonde?
Paint the floor white and tell her to walk on the ceiling.
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Why did the blonde bring a map to the buffet?
She kept getting lost in the food court.
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What's a blonde's favorite type of music?
Anything with a good beat—she can't resist tapping her foot.
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Why did the blonde put her head in the freezer?
She was trying to cool down her hot temper.
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How many blondes does it take to change a tire?
One—but she'll call roadside assistance just to be safe.
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Why did the blonde cross the road?
To get to the other blonde—they were having a hair day.
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What do you call a blonde who flies a plane?
A pilot who still checks the manual for 'where is the sky'.
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Why did the blonde put her watch in the blender?
She wanted to make time fly.
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How does a blonde make a decision?
She flips a coin—heads or tails, both are fine.
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Why did the blonde get fired from the keyboard factory?
She couldn't find the 'any' key.
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What did the blonde say when she found a magic lamp?
'I wish for a tan that doesn't require the sun.'
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Why did the blonde put her books in the refrigerator?
She wanted to keep the stories fresh.
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How do you stop a blonde from drowning?
Take your foot off her head.
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Why did the blonde stare at the can of soup?
It said 'concentrate' and she was waiting for it to focus.
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What's a blonde's favorite TV show?
'The Price is Right'—she loves guessing the cost of everything.
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Why did the blonde bring a stool to the meeting?
She heard the agenda was elevated.
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How does a blonde count to ten?
On her fingers—and she always checks twice.
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Why did the blonde put her money in the freezer?
She wanted cold hard cash.
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What do you call a blonde detective?
Someone who loses the case file but finds the donuts.
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Why did the blonde take a ruler to the beach?
She wanted to measure the waves.
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How does a blonde order coffee?
'I'll have a large, please—extra cream, extra sugar, extra thought.'
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Why did the blonde put a mirror in her backpack?
So she could keep an eye on herself.
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What did the blonde say when she saw a sign 'Wet Floor'?
'Finally, a floor that admits it has feelings.'
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Why did the blonde paint her car yellow?
She wanted to blend in with the sun.
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How does a blonde unlock her phone?
By smiling at it—she heard it's facial recognition.
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Why did the blonde put her shoes in the freezer?
She wanted cold feet.
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What's a blonde's favorite game?
Hide and seek—she always hides in the same place.
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Why did the blonde take a nap in the library?
She wanted to dream about books.
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How do you know a blonde has been using your computer?
There's a sticky note on the screen with the password: 'password'.
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Why did the blonde bring a flashlight to the movie theater?
She heard the film was dark.
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What did the blonde say when she saw a dollar bill on the ground?
'Look, a free sample from the economy!'
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Why did the blonde put her glasses in the fridge?
She wanted to see things clearly in the cold.
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How does a blonde bake a cake?
She mixes all the ingredients and then reads the instructions.
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Why did the blonde chase the ice cream truck?
She heard it was playing music and thought it was a parade.
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What do you call a blonde with a map?
Someone who still asks for directions.
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Why did the blonde put her laptop in the oven?
She wanted to browse the web at 350 degrees.
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How does a blonde handle a flat tire?
She calls the tire company and asks for a round replacement.
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Why did the blonde stare at the ceiling fan?
She was trying to figure out why it wasn't cooling the room.
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What did the blonde say when she saw a sign 'Beware of Dog'?
'I'll be careful—I don't want to offend the dog.'
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Why did the blonde put her alarm clock in the shower?
She wanted to wake up wet.
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How does a blonde choose a parking spot?
She picks the one farthest away so she can get her steps in.
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Why did the blonde bring an umbrella indoors?
She heard it might rain cats and dogs… indoors.
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What's a blonde's favorite holiday?
Groundhog Day—she loves repeating the same thing every year.