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Why did the lesbian bring a ladder to the hardware store?
Because she heard the girlfriend was on the top shelf.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one—but she’ll call her ex first to discuss it.
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What do you call a lesbian with an electric drill?
Handy-woman of the house.
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Why do lesbians love IKEA?
Because they can assemble a relationship in one trip.
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What's a lesbian's favorite type of car?
A Subaru—it handles curves well.
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Why don't lesbians play hide and seek?
Because good luck hiding when you're already holding hands.
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How does a lesbian propose?
She asks if you want to adopt a cat together.
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Why did the lesbian break up with her girlfriend?
Too much baggage—and not the cute carry-on kind.
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What do lesbians bring on a first date?
A U-Haul key and a spare cat carrier.
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Why do lesbians love flannel?
Because it's soft, practical, and never judges your haircut.
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How can you tell if a lesbian is moving in?
She’s already measuring the closet space.
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What’s a lesbian’s favorite dance move?
The two-step: meet, move in, adopt a pet.
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Why did the lesbian bring a tent to the park?
Because she heard the girl she likes is “under the rainbow.”
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What’s the difference between a lesbian and a Labrador?
A Labrador eventually stops following you home.
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Why do lesbians excel at gardening?
Because they know how to cultivate the perfect bed.
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What do you call a lesbian who loves puns?
A dyke-tionary of humor.
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How do lesbians decide what to watch on Netflix?
They argue for three hours then watch The L Word again.
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Why did the lesbian hire a personal trainer?
To build up strength for carrying in moving boxes.
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What’s a lesbian’s favorite fruit?
A date.
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Why don’t lesbians get lost?
Because they always follow their heart (and a GPS they installed themselves).
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Why did the lesbian refuse to play Monopoly?
Too much drama about who owns Park Place—she’d rather split assets.
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What do lesbians have in common with unicorns?
They’re beautiful, rare, and always come in pairs.
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Why do lesbians make great roommates?
They already know how to share a bed without labels.
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What’s a lesbian’s favorite tool?
A level—she likes things even.
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How does a lesbian apologize?
She brings a plant and a promise to unload the dishwasher.
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Why did the lesbian join the circus?
She wanted to juggle multiple crushes.
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Why did the lesbian bring pepper spray to the bar?
In case a guy tries to “turn” her.
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What do you call a lesbian who loves math?
A pair-a-dox.
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How do lesbians settle an argument?
They make up over a shared bowl of ice cream and a DIY project.
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Why don’t lesbians use dating apps?
They already matched based on subreddit karma.
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What’s a lesbian’s sign of a good date?
She doesn’t text her ex during dinner.
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Why do lesbians make great detectives?
They can spot a femme from a mile away.
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How does a lesbian choose a pet?
She picks the one that reminds her of her last ex—loyal but needy.
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Why did the lesbian get a second cat?
To balance out the first one’s personality.
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What’s a lesbian’s favorite love story?
The one where they meet, move in, and adopt a dog in one weekend.
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Why do lesbians make the best handypersons?
They treat every repair like a romantic gesture.
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What’s the fastest way to a lesbian’s heart?
Help her assemble an IKEA dresser without reading the instructions.
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Why did the lesbian bring a map to the pride parade?
To find the best spot for holding hands.
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How does a lesbian get your attention?
She’s already holding the door open and asking if you need help.
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What do you call a group of lesbians at a bar?
A consensus.
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Why did the lesbian bring a screwdriver to dinner?
In case the conversation needed tightening.
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What’s a lesbian’s favorite musical instrument?
The triangle—simple, clear, and always in tune with her partner.
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How do lesbians decide who drives?
Whoever has the Subaru key—and the better playlist.
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Why did the lesbian refuse to play chess?
Too many straight moves.
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What’s a lesbian’s favorite season?
Fall—because flannel season starts again.