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Why did the lesbian bring a map to the date?
She didn't want to U-Haul it too fast.
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What's a lesbian's favorite type of sandwich?
Subaru.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb?
One—but she brings her girlfriend to help overthink it.
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Why do lesbians love brunch?
It's the only meal that comes with a side of commitment.
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What did the lesbian say when her girlfriend bought another plant?
‘Guess we're moving in together next week.’
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Why did the lesbian break up with her girlfriend?
She said ‘I love you’ after the first U-Haul rental.
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What's a lesbian's favorite dance move?
The second-date slide.
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How does a lesbian propose?
She asks if you want to adopt a cat together.
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Why do lesbians love libraries?
Because everyone checks out and then moves in.
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What's a lesbian's least favorite word?
‘Just friends.’
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Why don't lesbians play hide and seek?
Because someone always says ‘This is too serious, let's talk about our feelings.’
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What do you call a lesbian who can't make up her mind?
A U-Haul driver with an empty tank.
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Why did the lesbian cross the road?
To get to the other side—of the moving truck.
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How do lesbians say goodbye?
‘See you tomorrow for brunch.’
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What's a lesbian's favorite movie genre?
Documentaries about women who fix things.
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Why do lesbians love flannel?
Because it's the official fabric of commitment.
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What did the lesbian say when her girlfriend asked for space?
‘I'll grab my keys—we'll find a new apartment together.’
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How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two—one to change it and one to talk about why the old one didn't work out.
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Why do lesbians always have tools?
Because every date comes with a home renovation project.
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What's a lesbian's favorite holiday?
Moving Day.
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Why did the lesbian bring a ladder to the date?
Because she heard her girlfriend had high standards.
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What do you call a lesbian with a power drill?
A contractor—and possibly your next wife.
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Why do lesbians love cats?
Because they're a low-commitment test run for parenting.
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How does a lesbian start a conversation?
‘So, do you have a U-Haul?’
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What's the difference between a lesbian and a moving truck?
The moving truck has a clearer timeline.
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Why did the lesbian refuse to play Scrabble?
Too many letters—she prefers ‘I’ and ‘U’.
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What's a lesbian's favorite game?
‘Let's move in and see if it sticks.’
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Why do lesbians love gardening?
Because you plant seeds and hope they grow—just like relationships.
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How does a lesbian end a phone call?
‘Let's talk about our future plans.’
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What's a lesbian's go-to pickup line?
‘Do you come with a lease or are you looking to own?’
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Why did the lesbian bring a suitcase to the first date?
She wanted to be prepared for the eventual move.
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What do lesbians do on a third date?
Adopt a cat and start looking at apartments.
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Why do lesbians love brunch so much?
It's the ultimate ‘We're serious but still casual’ meal.
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What's a lesbian's least favorite holiday?
Independence Day—too ironic.
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How do you know a lesbian is in a serious relationship?
She's got a cat, a flannel collection, and a shared Amazon Prime account.
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Why did the lesbian's girlfriend leave?
She said she needed space—the U-Haul was already packed.
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What's a lesbian's favorite word?
‘Ours.’
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How does a lesbian propose?
She hands you a cat leash and says ‘This is for our future.’
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Why do lesbians love home improvement stores?
Because every aisle is a potential date destination.
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What's a lesbian's secret superpower?
Turning a first date into a joint lease agreement.
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Why did the lesbian break up with her girlfriend via text?
She needed to cancel their joint Netflix account.
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What do you call a lesbian who owns two cats?
Engaged.
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Why do lesbians excel at puzzle games?
Because they're used to fitting two lives together in record time.
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What's the official state vehicle of lesbians?
A Subaru with a ‘Coexist’ sticker and a cat hair–covered seat.
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How does a lesbian introduce her partner?
‘This is my better half—we met at Home Depot.’
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Why did the lesbian bring a hammer to the comedy show?
To break the ice—and maybe start a renovation.
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What's a lesbian's opinion on online dating?
‘Too slow—I prefer in-person moving truck rentals.’
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Why do lesbians love breakfast for dinner?
Because it's the only meal that doesn't require a commitment to lunch.
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What's the most romantic thing a lesbian can say?
‘I've already picked out our apartment.’
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How do lesbians celebrate an anniversary?
By getting another cat and updating the lease.