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What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
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Why don't elephants use computers?
They're afraid of the mouse.
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What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?
A woolly jumper.
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What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
Dam!
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How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut.
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Why did the chicken join the band?
Because it had a drumstick.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
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Why are frogs so happy?
They eat whatever bugs them.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
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Why don't sharks eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
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Why do ducks have flat feet?
To stomp out forest fires.
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What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A Labracadabrador.
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How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the shell station.
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What do you call a snake that builds houses?
A boa constructor.
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Why are elephants bad at hide and seek?
Because they always leave a trunk.
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What do you call a horse that lives next door?
A neigh-bor.
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How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
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What do you call a bear caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
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Why did the cat go to the dentist?
To get a whisker clean.
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What do you call a bird that sticks to everything?
A wood-pecker.
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Why did the octopus blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
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What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
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Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
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What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
Sofishticated.
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How do sheep say hello?
Ewe there?
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What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost.
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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
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What do you call a dog that can count?
A pointer.
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Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have little antibodies.
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What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
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Why did the frog take the bus?
His car got toad.
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What do you call a cat that eats lemons?
A sour puss.
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How do you catch a fish with your hands?
Put your fingers in the river and wait for a bass.
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What do you call a bear with a magic wand?
A bare wizard.
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Why did the chicken go to the seance?
To talk to the other side.
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What do you call a dog that's always telling jokes?
A pun-ther.
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Why did the squirrel cross the road?
To get to the acorn side.
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What do you call a pig that writes poems?
A ham-let.
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Why did the cow do math?
To improve its moo-ntal arithmetic.
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What do you call a snake that's good at sports?
A gym-constrictor.
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Why didn't the flamingo go to the party?
It was too fly.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
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Why did the owl invite the bar to dinner?
Because he was a wise guy.
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What do you call a horse that's a magician?
A neigh-sayer.
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Why did the turtle never use its shell?
It was too hard to open.
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What do you call a cat that plays the piano?
A meow-sician.
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Why did the bee get married?
Because it found its honey.
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What do you call a fish that's always in trouble?
A convict fish.