0
Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
0
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
0
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
0
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
0
I'm reading a book on anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down.
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Why did the math book look so sad?
Because it had too many problems.
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What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
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Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she will let it go.
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How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
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What do you call a pile of cats?
A meowtain.
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Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts.
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What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
0
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
0
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two-tired.
0
What do you call a factory that sells generally okay products?
A satis-factory.
0
Why are ghosts bad liars?
Because you can see right through them.
0
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite.
0
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
0
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
0
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
0
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
0
How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
0
Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged.
0
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
0
I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.
It's a total rip-off.
0
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn't peeling well.
0
What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A stick.
0
How does a scientist freshen their breath?
With experi-mints.
0
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
0
Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.
0
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman.
0
How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
0
Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
Because all the fans left.
0
What do you call a bear that's stuck in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
0
What do you call a belt made of watches?
A waist of time.
0
Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
0
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
0
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
0
Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician?
He was outstanding in his field.
0
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
0
Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash.
0
Why did the chicken go to the séance?
To talk to the other side.
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What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A Labracadabrador.
0
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
0
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
0
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way, easy peasy.
0
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
So-fish-ticated.
0
Why did the computer catch a cold?
It left its Windows open.
0
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
A hoblin' goblin.
0
Why did the mushroom go to the party?
Because he was a fungi.
0
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
0
Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?
He took a day off.
0
What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky.
0
How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring experience.
0
Why did the math teacher love his job?
He had a lot of problems to solve.
0
What do you call a bear with no ears?
B.
0
Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
All the fans left.
0
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
0
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of socks?
In case he got a hole in one.
0
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
0
Why did the man put his money in the blender?
He wanted liquid assets.
0
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
He was outstanding in his field.
0
How do you make holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
0
Why don't scientists trust atoms?
They make up everything.
0
Why did the bicycle fall over?
It was two-tired.
0
Why did the math book look so sad?
Too many problems.
0
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
She'll let it go.
0
Why don't skeletons fight?
No guts.
0
What do you call a dinosaur with a big vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
0
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn't peeling well.
0
How does a scientist freshen breath?
With experi-mints.
0
Why did the picture go to jail?
It was framed.
0
Why did the stadium get hot?
All the fans left.
0
What do you call a bear stuck in rain?
A drizzly bear.
0
Why did the tomato turn red?
It saw the salad dressing.
0
Why did the scarecrow become a politician?
Outstanding in his field.
0
Why did the man put money in the freezer?
Cold hard cash.
0
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
Hole in one.
0
Why did the computer catch a cold?
Left its Windows open.
0
Why did the mushroom go to the party?
He's a fungi.
0
How does a cucumber become a pickle?
A jarring experience.
0
Why did the math teacher love his job?
Many problems to solve.
0
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of socks?
Hole in one.
0
Why did the man put money in the blender?
Liquid assets.