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I tried to lose weight by eating fat-free food, but all I lost was my appetite for fat-free food.
I tried to lose weight by eating fat-free food, but all I lost was my appetite for fat-free food.
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I used to be a fat man, then I lost 50 pounds.
Now I’m a skinny guy with a really fat memory.
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What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
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Why did the fat man wear a yellow shirt?
In case he dropped his mustard.
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I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
That’s why I’m fat.
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What’s the difference between a fat woman and a doughnut?
One is a circle with a hole, the other is a hole with a circle.
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Why are fat people always happy?
Because they’re always full of themselves.
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A fat man walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'We don’t serve your kind here.' The fat man says, 'Why not?
I’m a thirsty guy.'
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What do you call a fat cat that stole a pizza?
A fat cat burglar.
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Why did the fat man go to the bakery?
He needed some dough to roll in.
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I’m getting so fat, my belt size is now 'girth control.'
I’m getting so fat, my belt size is now 'girth control.'
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What’s the best way to catch a fat bird?
With a big net and a lot of patience.
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Why did the fat man cross the road?
To get to the other side of the buffet.
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What do you call a fat guy with a remote control?
A couch potato with a side of fries.
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I’m not fat, I’m just easier to see.
I’m not fat, I’m just easier to see.
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Why did the fat lady stop singing?
She was too heavy to hit the high notes.
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What do you call a fat man who loves to bake?
A buns of steel.
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Why did the fat man refuse to play hide and seek?
Because he was always found.
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What’s the favorite game of fat people?
Hungry Hungry Hippos.
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I used to be a fat guy, but I turned over a new leaf.
Now I’m a fat guy with a leaf on his head.
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Why did the fat man bring a ladder to the bar?
He heard the drinks were on the house.
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What do you call a fat man with a small head?
A bowling ball with a smile.
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Why did the fat man get a job at the bakery?
He kneaded the dough.
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I’m not fat, I’m just big-boned.
And the bones are spaghetti.
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What do you call a fat man who can levitate?
A fly weight.
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Why did the fat man wear a belt?
To hold up his pants, not his stomach.
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What’s the difference between a fat man and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.
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Why did the fat man take up jogging?
To get a head start on the buffet line.
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I lost 20 pounds last year.
I found them again in the fridge.
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What do you call a fat man who loves to tell jokes?
A jolly fat guy.
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Why did the fat man sit on the toilet?
He was trying to flush away his problems.
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What do you call a fat man who’s a secret agent?
A double agent with a triple chin.
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Why did the fat man go to the gym?
To work off his dinner and his breakfast.
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I’m not fat, I’m just retaining water. And cake.
And ice cream.
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What do you call a fat man with a flat tire?
A tireless worker.
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Why did the fat man eat a light bulb?
He wanted to have a bright idea about dieting.
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What do you call a fat man who sings?
A baritone with a baritone.
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Why did the fat man go to the library?
He needed to check out some weight loss books.
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I’m so fat, my blood type is Ranch dressing.
I’m so fat, my blood type is Ranch dressing.
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What do you call a fat man who chases cars?
A heavyweight in the fast lane.
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Why did the fat man wear a hat?
To cover his second double chin.
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What do you call a fat man who loves to read?
A bookworm with a big appetite.
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Why did the fat man go to the doctor?
He had a severe case of the munchies.
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I’m not fat, I’m just horizontally challenged.
I’m not fat, I’m just horizontally challenged.
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What do you call a fat man who’s a great dancer?
A twinkle-toes with a boulder body.
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Why did the fat man get a tattoo of a pig?
He wanted to be a ham.
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What do you call a fat man who’s lost in the desert?
A camel without the hump.
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Why did the fat man go to the bank?
To make a withdrawal from his belly.
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I’m so fat, my wife calls me 'The Earth' because I have seven continents.
I’m so fat, my wife calls me 'The Earth' because I have seven continents.
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What do you call a fat man who tells lies?
A porky pie.
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Why did the fat man become a chef?
He wanted to taste test everything.
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What do you call a fat man who’s a photographer?
A shutterbug with a big frame.
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Why did the fat man go to the barber?
He needed a haircut and a side of fries.
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I’m not fat, I’m just a little heavier than the average bear.
I’m not fat, I’m just a little heavier than the average bear.
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What do you call a fat man who loves to swim?
A whale of a time.
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Why did the fat man go to the movies?
He wanted to see a big screen.
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What do you call a fat man who’s a pilot?
A fly weight with a heavy payload.
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Why did the fat man eat a clock?
He wanted to have more time for lunch.
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I’m so fat, my belt size is 'the equator.'
I’m so fat, my belt size is 'the equator.'
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What do you call a fat man who loves to garden?
A potato in the making.
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Why did the fat man go to the zoo?
He heard the elephants were hungry.
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What do you call a fat man who’s a musician?
A tuba player with a big belly.
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Why did the fat man wear a sweater?
He was feeling a bit chubby.
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I’m not fat, I’m just a little overstuffed.
I’m not fat, I’m just a little overstuffed.
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What do you call a fat man who’s a scientist?
A big brain with a big body.
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Why did the fat man go to the beach?
To play with the sand and the whales.
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What do you call a fat man who loves to sing?
A baritone with a big note.
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Why did the fat man go to the circus?
He wanted to be a fat lady.
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I’m so fat, my shadow has its own gravitational pull.
I’m so fat, my shadow has its own gravitational pull.
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What do you call a fat man who’s a rapper?
A big daddy with a big flavor.
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Why did the fat man go to the dentist?
He had a sweet tooth.
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What do you call a fat man who’s a painter?
A broad brush with a wide canvas.
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Why did the fat man go to the park?
To feed the pigeons and be one of them.
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I’m not fat, I’m just a little more to love.
I’m not fat, I’m just a little more to love.
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What do you call a fat man who’s a magician?
A heavy illusionist.
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Why did the fat man go to the casino?
To try his luck at the buffet.
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What do you call a fat man who’s a firefighter?
A heavy rescuer.
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Why did the fat man go to the gym?
To lift his spirits and his weights.
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I’m so fat, my doctor told me to go on a diet. I told him, 'I’m already on a diet – the see-food diet.'
I’m so fat, my doctor told me to go on a diet. I told him, 'I’m already on a diet – the see-food diet.'
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What do you call a fat man who’s a poet?
A limerick with a rhyme and a reason.
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Why did the fat man go to the lake?
To float like a boat.
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What do you call a fat man who’s a judge?
A heavy sentence.
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Why did the fat man go to the mountains?
To feel like a small hill.
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I’m not fat, I’m just a little fluffy around the edges.
I’m not fat, I’m just a little fluffy around the edges.
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What do you call a fat man who’s a photographer?
A wide-angle lens.
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Why did the fat man go to the bakery?
He wanted to buy some bread and butter.
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What do you call a fat man who’s a comedian?
A jokester with a big punchline.
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Why did the fat man go to the hospital?
He had a bad case of the munchies.
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I’m so fat, my wardrobe consists of tents.
I’m so fat, my wardrobe consists of tents.
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What do you call a fat man who’s a race car driver?
A big wheel.
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Why did the fat man go to the coffee shop?
He needed a latte to warm his big heart.
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What do you call a fat man who’s a teacher?
A big brain with a big appetite.
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Why did the fat man go to the zoo?
To see the seals and feel at home.
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I’m not fat, I’m just a little heavy on the side of life.
I’m not fat, I’m just a little heavy on the side of life.
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What do you call a fat man who’s a sailor?
A broadside.
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Why did the fat man go to the pool?
To make waves.
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What do you call a fat man who’s a chef?
A master of the grill with a big belly.
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Why did the fat man go to the library?
To check out a book on weight loss, but he couldn’t lift it.
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I’m so fat, when I get on a scale, it says 'One at a time, please.'
I’m so fat, when I get on a scale, it says 'One at a time, please.'
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What do you call a fat man who’s a gardener?
A big spud.
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Why did the fat man go to the bakery?
He kneaded the dough for a new diet.
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What do you call a fat man who’s a golfer?
A big hitter.
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Why did the fat man go to the butcher?
He wanted to bring home the bacon.
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I’m not fat, I’m just a little extra.
I’m not fat, I’m just a little extra.