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Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
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What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
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Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two-tired.
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How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
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Why did the math book look so sad?
Because it had too many problems.
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What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
Sofishticated.
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Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
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What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
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Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
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How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
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Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts.
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What do you call a factory that sells okay products?
A satisfactory.
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Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
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Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn't peeling well.
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How does a snowman get around?
By riding an icicle.
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What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
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Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite.
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Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?
A waist of time.
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Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.
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How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
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What do you call a fish that plays piano?
A tuna fish.
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Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
All the fans left.
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What do you call a bear that's stuck in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
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Why did the man get hit by a car?
Because he didn't look both ways before crossing the street.
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What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
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What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
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Why did the fungus go to the party?
Because he was a fungi.
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How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
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Why did the computer go to the doctor?
It had a virus.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
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Why did the frog call his insurance company?
He had a jump in his car.
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What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A labracadabrador.
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Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?
He needed space.
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What do you call a fish that's always correct?
A right whale.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
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What do you call a bear that loves to dance?
A boogie bear.
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Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.
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What do you call a pig that tells jokes?
A ham comedian.
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Why did the boy bring a ladder to school?
Because he wanted to go to high school.
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What do you call a can that's been opened?
A can't.
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Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash.
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What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dino-snore.
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Why did the baker go to therapy?
Because he kneaded it.
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What do you call a cat that eats lemons?
A sour puss.
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Why did the chef stop cooking?
He lost his thyme.
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What do you call a deer that's blind?
No idea.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?
It needed a root canal.
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What do you call a pile of cats?
A meow-tain.
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Why did the phone wear glasses?
Because it lost its contacts.
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What do you call a bear that's a genius?
A brain bear.
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Why did the broom get a ticket?
It was sweeping too fast.
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What do you call a fish that's a lawyer?
A legal fish.
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Why did the belt get arrested?
It was holding up a pair of pants.
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What do you call a dog that's a musician?
A labracadabrador.
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Why did the man run around his bed?
To catch up on his sleep.
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What do you call a fish that's a doctor?
A sturgeon.
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Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
He wanted to go to high school.
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What do you call a bear that's a chef?
A grizzly cook.
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Why did the book join the police?
It wanted to be a cop-y.
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What do you call a happy cowboy?
A jolly rancher.
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Why did the banana go to the party?
Because it was a-peeling.
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What do you call a dog that's a magician?
A labracadabrador.
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Why did the man put his money in the blender?
He wanted to make liquid assets.
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What do you call a bear that's a comedian?
A grizzly funny guy.
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Why did the frog park his car?
It was toad.
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What do you call a cow that's a spy?
A moo-ler.
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Why did the man put his clock in the oven?
He wanted to bake some time.
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What do you call a fish that's a musician?
A tuna pianist.
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Why did the man take his clock to the doctor?
It had a second hand.
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What do you call a bear that's a painter?
A grizzly artist.
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What do you call a cat that's a doctor?
A meow-surgeon.
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Why did the man put his shoe in the oven?
He wanted to have a hot foot.
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What do you call a dog that's a chef?
A labracadabrador cook.
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Why did the man put his head in the oven?
He wanted to have a hot head.
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What do you call a fish that's a painter?
A Van Gogh fish.
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Why did the man put his watch in the blender?
He wanted to make time shake.
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What do you call a bear that's a singer?
A grizzly vocalist.
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Why did the man put his phone in the oven?
He wanted a hot line.
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What do you call a cat that's a musician?
A meow-zart.
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Why did the man put his socks in the freezer?
He wanted cold feet.
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What do you call a dog that's a painter?
A labracadabrador artist.
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Why did the man put his hat in the oven?
He wanted a hot head.
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What do you call a fish that's a singer?
A tuna vocalist.
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Why did the man put his tie in the blender?
He wanted a smooth dressing.
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What do you call a bear that's a writer?
A grizzly author.
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Why did the man put his gloves in the freezer?
He wanted cold hands.
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What do you call a cat that's a singer?
A meow-riah Carey.
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Why did the man put his shirt in the oven?
He wanted a hot top.
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What do you call a dog that's a writer?
A labracadabrador author.
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Why did the man put his pants in the freezer?
He wanted cold legs.
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What do you call a fish that's a writer?
A tuna author.
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Why did the man put his coat in the oven?
He wanted a hot jacket.
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What do you call a bear that's a dancer?
A grizzly ballerina.
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Why did the man put his scarf in the freezer?
He wanted a cold neck.