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Why do ghosts make terrible liars?
Because you can see right through them.
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What do you call a pumpkin that’s always late?
A pumpkin that needs to turnip on time.
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How do witches stay organized?
They use their bog-keepers.
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Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend?
She was always draining his energy.
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What do you get when you cross a ghost and a snowman?
Frostbite.
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Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts.
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What’s a zombie’s favorite fruit?
Brain-aple.
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How do you make a witch scratch?
Take away the L.
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Why did the mummy get a promotion?
He was wrapped up in his work.
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What do you call a werewolf with a cold?
A howl-ergy sufferer.
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Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the boos.
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What’s a vampire’s favorite dessert?
A blood orange sorbet.
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Why are graveyards so noisy?
All the coffin.
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What did the pumpkin say to the carver?
Cut it out!
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How do ghosts send mail?
Through the ghost office.
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Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
He had no body to go with.
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What’s a witch’s favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
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Why did the zombie stop eating brains?
He was tired of the same old grind.
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What do you call a ghost that haunts a laundry room?
A sheet specter.
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Why are vampires always calm?
They have excellent blood pressure.
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What’s a skeleton’s least favorite day of the week?
Sunday, because it’s a dead day.
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How do you tell if a vampire is sick?
By his constant biting.
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What did the zombie say to the brain?
I’ve got my eye on you.
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Why don’t ghosts use umbrellas?
Because they’re already transparent.
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What do you call a frightened skeleton?
A chicken bone.
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Why did the witch’s broomstick break?
It had too many spell effects.
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What’s a ghost’s favorite game?
Hide-and-shriek.
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How do vampires start their letters?
Tomb it may concern.
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Why did the mummy visit the doctor?
He was feeling a bit unraveled.
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What do you call a zombie that loves math?
A brainteaser.
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Why are ghosts such good dancers?
They have no bones to lose.
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What’s a vampire’s favorite ice cream flavor?
Vein-illa.
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Why did the pumpkin get promoted?
It was outstanding in its field.
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How do you make a ghost laugh?
Tickle his funny bone.
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What did the skeleton say after the party?
I had a bone to pick with you.
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Why don’t witches wear flat shoes?
They prefer high heels for their broomsticks.
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What’s a zombie’s favorite exercise?
Dead lifts.
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Why did the ghost fail the test?
He couldn’t find his brain.
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What do you call a vampire that lives in a tree?
A blood-sucking bird.
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How do skeletons say hello?
Bone-jiour.
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Why did the werewolf bring a map?
He didn’t want to get lost in the woods.
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What’s a pumpkin’s favorite sport?
Squash.
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Why do vampires have trouble with relationships?
They’re always looking for a neck in time.
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What did the ghost say when he bumped into a table?
I’m board.
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Why did the mummy go to school?
To get a degree in wrapping.
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How do you know a zombie has been in your house?
The furniture is rearranged and the brains are gone.
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What’s a skeleton’s favorite music?
Heavy metal – because it hits the bone.
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Why did the witch lose her broomstick race?
She kept getting haunted by her past.
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What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
A hoblin’ goblin.
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How do vampires like their steak?
Rare, with a side of garlic… just kidding, no garlic.