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Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Where do cows go on Friday nights?
To the moo-vies.
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What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
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Why did the math book look so sad?
Because it had too many problems.
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What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
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How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
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Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two-tired.
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What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
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How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
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What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
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Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged.
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Where do armies sleep?
In their sleeper tanks.
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What do you call a belt made of watches?
A waist of time.
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Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn't peeling well.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
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How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut.
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What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
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Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?
It ran out of juice.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A stick.
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What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
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Why did the strawberry cry?
Because its parents were in a jam.
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What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
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How does a scientist freshen her breath?
With experi-mints.
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What do you call a bear that's stuck in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
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Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.
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What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman.
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How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
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What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A labracadabrador.
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Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because it was stuffed.
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What do you call a factory that sells okay products?
A satis-factory.
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How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
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What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind?
A maybe.
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Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
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How do you find a missing rabbit?
Make a noise like a carrot.
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What do you call a pile of cats?
A meow-tain.
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Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
Because they wanted to go to high school.
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What do you call a snake that builds houses?
A boa constrictor.
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How does a train eat?
It goes chew-chew.
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What do you call a fish that wears a bowtie?
So-fish-ticated.
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Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumbly.
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What do you call a bird that sticks to everything?
A vel-crow.
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Why did the frog call his insurance company?
He had a jump in his car.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bull-dozer.
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How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
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What do you call a dog that works at a beach?
A sand-paw.
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Why couldn't the hearse get a date?
Because it's a dead-end vehicle.
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What do you call a computer that sings?
A Dell.
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Why did the chicken go to the séance?
To talk to the other side.
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What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky.
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How do you catch a cloud?
With a sky-net.
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What do you call a shoe made of a banana?
A slipper.
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Why did the pencil get in trouble?
It was caught drawing lines.
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What do you call a pig that can fly?
A flying pig – wait, that's just a pig with a jetpack.
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Why did the apple stop in the middle of the road?
Because it ran out of juice.
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What do you call a rabbit that tells jokes?
A funny bunny.
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How does a vampire start a letter?
'Tomb it may concern.'
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
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Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom.
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What do you call a bee that lives in a newspaper?
A headline bee.
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How do you stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Hide his shovel.
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What do you call a cat that eats lemons?
A sour puss.
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Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?
He needed space.
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What do you call a dinosaur that sleeps a lot?
A stego-snore-us.
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How do you make a squid laugh?
Tell it a shell-arious joke.
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What do you call a bear that's always on time?
A punctual bear.
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Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two-tired.
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What do you call a fish that plays the guitar?
A rock bass.
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Why did the student eat his homework?
Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
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What do you call a cow that won't stop eating?
A moo-ch cow.
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How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
With a pumpkin patch.
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What do you call a horse that lives next door?
A neigh-bor.
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Why did the baker go to the bank?
To get his dough.
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What do you call a bird that's afraid of heights?
A chicken.
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How do you make a lemon drop?
Just let it fall.
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What do you call a sheep that's always in a bad mood?
A baah-humbug.
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Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road?
It ran out of juice.
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What do you call a bear that's good at math?
A bear-ithmetic.
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How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way – up a tree.
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What do you call a dog that's always cold?
A chili dog.
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Why did the owl call for a tow truck?
Because it had a hoot and a holler.
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What do you call a cow that's a comedian?
A moo-ster of comedy.
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How do you make a skeleton laugh?
Tickle its funny bone.
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What do you call a cat that loves the beach?
A sand cat.
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Why did the banana put on sunscreen?
Because it was going to be peeled.
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What do you call a bee that's a good dancer?
A boogie bee.
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How does a dog stop a video?
He presses the paws button.
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What do you call a pig that's always polite?
A gentleman pig.
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Why did the math teacher break up with the science teacher?
There was no chemistry.
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What do you call a fish that's a detective?
A private eye-ght fish.
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How do you make a watermelon laugh?
Tell it a juicy joke.
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What do you call a sheep that can't stop telling jokes?
A lam-poon.