0
Guess what?
I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
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Guess what?
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
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Guess what?
I used to be a baker but I couldn't make enough dough.
0
Guess what?
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
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Guess what?
I invented a new word: plagiarism.
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Guess what?
I'm reading a book about mazes. I got lost in it.
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Guess what?
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
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Guess what?
I'm friends with all electricians. We have great connections.
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Guess what?
I told my computer I needed a break. Now it won't stop sending me KitKats.
0
Guess what?
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
0
Guess what?
I used to be a tap dancer but I kept falling in the sink.
0
Guess what?
I'm terrified of elevators, so I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them.
0
Guess what?
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it.
0
Guess what?
I used to be a personal trainer but I got too tense.
0
Guess what?
I'm reading a book about glue. I just can't seem to put it down.
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Guess what?
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
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Guess what?
I used to be a banker but I lost interest.
0
Guess what?
I'm on a new diet: I only eat food that starts with the letter 'C'. It's a C- diet.
0
Guess what?
I invented a new type of shoe that makes you walk on water. It's a Jesus sandal.
0
Guess what?
I used to be a magician but I disappeared from the scene.
0
Guess what?
I'm reading a book about the history of glue. I just can't seem to stick with it.
0
Guess what?
I told my computer it needed a new hard drive. It said, 'I'll think about it.'
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Guess what?
I used to be a beekeeper but I got too stung by the job.
0
Guess what?
I'm on a strict diet of only food that's been on fire. It's a grill diet.
0
Guess what?
I invented a new kind of bread that's impossible to slice. It's un-bread-able.
0
Guess what?
I used to be a watchmaker but I ran out of time.
0
Guess what?
I'm reading a book about the ocean. It's deep.
0
Guess what?
I told my friend I was going to become a comedian. He said, 'That's not funny.'
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Guess what?
I used to be a construction worker but I didn't make enough concrete plans.
0
Guess what?
I'm on a new diet: I only eat food that's been in a fight. It's a battle diet.
0
Guess what?
I invented a new type of lock that can't be picked. It's a 'no-pick' lock.
0
Guess what?
I used to be a painter but I couldn't brush off the criticism.
0
Guess what?
I'm reading a book about the sun. It's a bright idea.
0
Guess what?
I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He said, 'Stop going to those places.'
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Guess what?
I used to be a chef but I couldn't stand the heat.
0
Guess what?
I'm on a new diet: I only eat food that's been to space. It's a cosmic diet.
0
Guess what?
I invented a new type of rope that's impossible to cut. It's a no-shear rope.
0
Guess what?
I used to be a pilot but I couldn't handle the pressure.
0
Guess what?
I'm reading a book about lightning. It's shocking.
0
Guess what?
I told my wife she was acting like a tornado. She said, 'I'll blow you away.'
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Guess what?
I used to be a musician but I didn't have the right notes.
0
Guess what?
I'm on a new diet: I only eat food that's been in a movie. It's a film diet.
0
Guess what?
I invented a new type of car that runs on water. It's a hydro-car.
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Guess what?
I used to be a teacher but I couldn't control my class.
0
Guess what?
I'm reading a book about the moon. It's a full moon.
0
Guess what?
I told my friend I was going to become a chef. He said, 'That's a recipe for disaster.'
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Guess what?
I used to be a photographer but I couldn't develop my skills.
0
Guess what?
I'm on a new diet: I only eat food that's been to a party. It's a social diet.
0
Guess what?
I invented a new type of pen that writes in invisible ink. It's a no-see pen.
0
Guess what?
I used to be a firefighter but I couldn't handle the heat.