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Why don't ghosts like rain?
Because it dampens their spirits.
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What do you call a witch's garage?
A broom closet.
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Why did the vampire get a job at the blood bank?
He needed some red tape.
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What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A trom-bone.
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Why do zombies never use stairs?
They prefer the undead lift.
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How does a ghoul count to ten?
On his fiends.
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What do you call a pumpkin that's a magician?
A gourd-ian.
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Why did the ghost go to the party?
He heard there would be boos.
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What does a mummy wrap his gift in?
Bandages.
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How do you catch a werewolf?
You wait until it's full moon and then use a trap-paw.
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Why are ghosts bad liars?
Because you can see right through them.
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What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
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Why did the witch put her broom away?
She wanted to sweep the competition.
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What do you call a scary skeleton?
A bone-afide monster.
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Why did the zombie stop eating brains?
He wanted to use his head.
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How do you make a ghost laugh?
Tickle its funny bone.
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What's a skeleton's least favorite meal?
Spare ribs.
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Why don't witches wear undergarments?
Because they prefer hex-appeal.
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What do you call a haunted mannequin?
A scare-a-crow.
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Why did the werewolf cross the road?
To get to the other howl.
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What's a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving.
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Why did the ghost go to the doctor?
He had a phantom pain.
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What do you call a group of witches?
A coven of mischief.
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How do you organize a space party?
You planet, but for Halloween, you haunt it.
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Why do skeletons not fight?
They have no guts.
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What's a zombie's favorite dance?
The mash.
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Why did the mummy call his therapist?
He was feeling unwrapped.
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What do you call a ghost's favorite breakfast?
Waffles with syrup—wait, no, that's just ghost toast.
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Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend?
She was a little batty.
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How does a witch tell time?
With a witch watch.
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What's a monster's favorite subject?
Ghoulish literature.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?
He was outstanding in his field.
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What do you call a zombie that tells jokes?
A corpsy comedian.
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Why don't vampires eat clowns?
They taste funny.
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How do you keep a werewolf from biting?
Give him a muzzle—or a full moon break.
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What does a ghost use to wash his hair?
Sham-poo.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the chiropractor.
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What's a vampire's favorite drink?
A blood-sickle.
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Why are ghosts so bad at poker?
Because they always reveal their hand.
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What do you call a witch's spell book?
A page-turner.
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Why did the zombie go to school?
To improve his brain power.
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How does a skeleton say hello?
Bone-jour.
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What's a mummy's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
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Why did the vampire read the newspaper?
He wanted to see the blood circulation.
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What do you call a ghost that haunts a gym?
A spook-tacular workout partner.
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Why did the werewolf skip Halloween?
He was feeling a little wolf-ish.
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How do witches use social media?
They tweet like bats.
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What's a zombie's favorite song?
Thriller, but on repeat.
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Why don't ghosts use cell phones?
They prefer scream calls.
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What do you call a haunted sushi roll?
A ghost-roll.