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Why did the white guy bring a ladder to the barbecue?
He heard the burgers were on a higher level.
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What's a white parent's favorite bedtime story?
'The Very Hungry Caterpillar' – it's organic.
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How does a white person season their salad?
With a single crouton and a prayer.
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Why did the white couple break up?
They couldn't agree on which shade of beige to paint the kitchen.
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What do you call a white person who loves avocado toast?
A millennial stereotype.
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Why don't white people use garlic?
They're afraid of too much flavor.
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How does a white person say 'I love you'?
'I'll fold your laundry.'
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What's a white person's favorite dance move?
The awkward side-step at a concert.
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Why did the white guy buy a Tesla?
He wanted to save the planet in style.
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What do white people put in their coffee?
A splash of oat milk and a lot of hope.
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How many white people does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they'll just sit in the dark and talk about minimalism.
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Why did the white family move to the suburbs?
So they could have a yard to put a lawn chair in.
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What's a white person's favorite condiment?
Mayonnaise – it's the whitest of sauces.
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Why do white people love pumpkin spice?
Because it's the only spice that doesn't burn.
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What did the white dad say when his son asked for spicy wings?
'We have ketchup at home.'
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How does a white person apologize?
With a handwritten note on recycled paper.
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Why don't white people play football?
They can't handle the physical contact without a contract.
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What's a white person's idea of a wild night?
Staying up past 10 PM watching Netflix.
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Why did the white guy bring a book to the party?
He wanted to seem interesting.
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What do you call a group of white people in a coffee shop?
A therapy session.
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Why do white people love farmers markets?
So they can pay double for vegetables that grew normally.
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How does a white person tell a joke?
Slowly, with a lot of context.
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What's a white person's favorite sport?
Soccer – but only when their kid plays.
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Why did the white guy stop using his grill?
He discovered indoor paninis.
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What do white people say when they're surprised?
'Oh, wow.' with zero inflection.
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Why did the white couple adopt a rescue dog?
So they could put a bandana on it.
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How does a white person decorate their home?
With a single plant and a lot of natural light.
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What's a white person's favorite board game?
Catan – it's competitive but still polite.
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Why do white people love hiking?
So they can take pictures of trees.
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What did the white mom say when her kid didn't eat dinner?
'That's okay, you're just not hungry.'
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How does a white person react to a compliment?
They deflect and talk about the sweater's fabric.
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Why did the white guy become a vegan?
So he could tell everyone about it.
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What's a white person's favorite holiday?
Thanksgiving – it's a white foods buffet.
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Why do white people love craft beer?
Because they can pretend to taste notes of cardboard.
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How does a white person greet a neighbor?
With a stiff wave from the driveway.
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What's a white person's favorite ice cream flavor?
Vanilla – they don't want to be too adventurous.
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Why did the white family buy a minivan?
So they could drive to the pumpkin patch.
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What do white people do on Saturdays?
Go to Home Depot for a single lightbulb.
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How does a white person eat a taco?
With a fork, of course.
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Why do white people love yoga?
So they can wear Lululemon and talk about chakras.
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What's a white person's favorite song?
Anything by Ed Sheeran.
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Why did the white guy refuse to dance?
He said he was 'too tall.'
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How does a white person show enthusiasm?
By nodding slowly and saying 'Right on.'
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What do white people argue about at dinner?
Whether to use cilantro or not.
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Why do white people love brunch?
It's the only meal where they can drink in the morning.
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What's a white person's idea of a vacation?
A cabin in the woods with no internet.
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Why did the white guy start a podcast?
He had an opinion about bagel texture.
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How does a white person handle a flat tire?
They call AAA and complain about the inconvenience.
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What's a white person's favorite social media platform?
LinkedIn – it's professional bragging.
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Why do white people love Christmas lights?
Because they can put them up in November without judgment.