0
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
0
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
So-fish-ticated.
0
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
0
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two-tired.
0
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
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Why are ghosts bad liars?
Because you can see right through them.
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What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
0
Why did the math book look so sad?
Because it had too many problems.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
0
How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
0
Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
0
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
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Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
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Why was the little strawberry crying?
Because its mom was in a jam.
0
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
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How does a snowman get around?
By riding an icicle.
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Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
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What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
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Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts.
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What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
0
How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut.
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What do you call a belt made of watches?
A waist of time.
0
Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged.
0
What do you call a factory that sells passable products?
A satisfactory.
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Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn't peeling well.
0
What do you call a strange market?
A bizarre bazaar.
0
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
0
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
0
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
0
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
0
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A labracadabrador.
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Why did the man throw his clock out the window?
He wanted to see time fly.
0
What do you call a pig that knows karate?
A pork chop.
0
Why was the computer so tired?
It had too many tabs open.
0
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
0
Why did the music teacher need a ladder?
To reach the high notes.
0
What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A stick.
0
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
0
Why did the picture go to jail?
It was framed.
0
What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind?
A maybe.
0
Why did the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two-tired.
0
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman.
0
Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician?
He was outstanding in his field.
0
What do you call a fish that wears a crown?
A kingfish.
0
How do you make a squid laugh?
Give it ten-tickles.
0
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because it felt crummy.
0
What do you call a bear with no ears?
B.
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Why did the math teacher break up with the calculator?
She felt she wasn't being counted on.
0
What do you call a train made of bubble gum?
A chew-chew train.
0
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?
It ran out of juice.
0
What do you call a cat that likes to bowl?
An alley cat.
0
How do you make a lemon drop?
Just let it fall.
0
Why did the man slap the jar of mayonnaise?
He wanted to make it spread.
0
What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?
A try-try-try-ceratops.
0
Why did the tree go to the dentist?
To get a root canal.
0
What do you call a place where cows get together?
A pasture.
0
How does a scientist freshen her breath?
With experi-mints.
0
Why did the banana go out with the prism?
Because it wanted to split.
0
What do you call a fake stone that lives in the sea?
A sham rock.
0
Why did the boy bring a ladder to school?
Because he wanted to go to high school.
0
What do you call a dog that loves to read?
A bookworm.
0
How do you catch a fish with no hands?
Use a hook.
0
Why did the kid throw his alarm clock out the window?
He wanted to see time fly.
0
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
0
Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarterback.
0
What do you call a snake that works at a bakery?
A pie-thon.
0
How do you make an egg laugh?
Tell it a yolk.
0
Why did the man put his money in the blender?
He wanted to make liquid assets.
0
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
0
Why did the gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken's foot.
0
What do you call a fish with a broken leg?
A fish-ician.
0
How do you keep a bagel from getting away?
Put it on a leash.
0
Why did the man bring a string to the party?
He wanted to tie one on.
0
What do you call a sheep that can sing?
A lamb-a-dong.
0
Why did the broom get promoted?
It swept the competition.
0
What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
0
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
0
Why did the apple go to the doctor?
It had a bad core.
0
What do you call a bear that's stuck in a bathtub?
A bear-ender.
0
Why did the bicycle fall in love?
It found its hub.
0
What do you call a pig that's always complaining?
A grunt.
0
How do you catch a king?
Use a throne.
0
Why did the man wear a belt with his hat?
He wanted to keep his head together.
0
What do you call a dog that can tell time?
A watch dog.
0
Why did the computer go to the opera?
It had a good byte.
0
What do you call a bird that's always in trouble?
A jailbird.
0
How do you make a fruit punch?
Give it boxing lessons.
0
Why did the kid bring a blanket to the baseball game?
He wanted a home run.
0
What do you call a cat that's a magician?
A presto-cat.
0
Why did the man put his watch in the blender?
He wanted to make time fly.
0
What do you call a fish that's good at math?
An accountant.
0
How do you make a hot dog stand?
Take away its chair.
0
Why did the strawberry cry?
It saw a banana peel.
0
What do you call a cow that's a spy?
A moo-ll.
0
Why did the man eat his homework?
The teacher said it was a piece of cake.
0
What do you call a bear that's a comedian?
A fun bear.
0
Why did the banana go to the party alone?
It couldn't find a date.
0
What do you call a dog that's a detective?
A clue hound.
0
Why did the man put his wallet in the freezer?
He wanted to keep his cold cash.
0
What do you call a pig that does magic tricks?
A ham-mer.
0
How do you get a squirrel's attention?
Act like a nut.
0
Why did the man stay up all night?
He was trying to figure out where the sun went.
0
What do you call a fish that's a doctor?
A sturgeon.
0
Why did the man bring a pencil to bed?
To draw the curtains.
0
What do you call a cat that's a rock star?
A heavy meow-tal.
0
How do you make a cake stand?
Take away its table.
0
Why did the orange stop?
It ran out of juice.
0
What do you call a cow that's a lawyer?
A moo-counsel.
0
Why did the man put his compass in the oven?
He wanted a hot direction.
0
What do you call a dog that's a musician?
A basset hound.
0
How do you catch a cloud?
Use a sky net.
0
Why did the man put his shirt in the oven?
He wanted a hot button.
0
What do you call a fish that's a musician?
A bass player.
0
Why did the man put his shoes in the fridge?
He wanted cold feet.
0
What do you call a cow that's a chef?
A moo-stache.
0
How do you make a clock laugh?
Tick-le it.
0
Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash.
0
What do you call a dog that's a singer?
A howl-er.
0
Why did the man bring a ladder to the bar?
He heard the drinks were on the house.
0
What do you call a cat that's a philosopher?
A purr-ocles.
0
How do you make a pencil laugh?
Tick-le it.
0
Why did the man put his watch in the soup?
He wanted time to stew.
0
What do you call a fish that's a lawyer?
A sue-sturgeon.
0
Why did the man put his glasses in the oven?
He wanted a heated debate.
0
What do you call a dog that's a chef?
A bark-beque.
0
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
0
Why did the man put his hat in the fridge?
He wanted a cool head.
0
What do you call a cat that's a detective?
A whisker-ative.
0
Why did the man bring a map to the bakery?
He was looking for a roll.
0
What do you call a cow that's a comedian?
A moo-sical.
0
How do you make a sandwich laugh?
Pickle it.
0
Why did the man put his socks in the oven?
He wanted hot feet.
0
What do you call a dog that's a teacher?
A guide dog.
0
Why did the man bring a flashlight to the party?
He wanted to light up the room.
0
What do you call a cat that's a doctor?
A purr-actitioner.
0
How do you make a battery laugh?
Shock it.
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Why did the man put his tie in the freezer?
He wanted a cool neck.
0
What do you call a fish that's a detective?
A clue-lobster.
0
Why did the man bring a pillow to the library?
He heard it was a quiet place.
0
What do you call a cow that's a magician?
A moo-sician.
0
How do you make a plate laugh?
Dish it out.
0
Why did the man put his phone in the oven?
He wanted a hot call.
0
What do you call a dog that's a gardener?
A lawn-barker.
0
Why did the man bring a chair to the movie theater?
He wanted a seat.
0
What do you call a cat that's a mechanic?
A purr-fectionist.
0
How do you make a book laugh?
Take a page out of its book.
0
Why did the man put his umbrella in the oven?
He wanted a hot shower.
0
What do you call a fish that's a painter?
A fin-ellenist.
0
Why did the man bring a spoon to the concert?
He wanted to hear some notes.
0
What do you call a cow that's a singer?
A moo-zeal.
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How do you make a door laugh?
Knock-knock.
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Why did the man put his gloves in the freezer?
He wanted cold hands.
0
What do you call a dog that's a pilot?
A tail-spin.
0
Why did the man bring a ruler to bed?
He wanted to measure his dreams.
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What do you call a cat that's a librarian?
A purr-shelver.
0
How do you make a fork laugh?
Tine it.
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Why did the man put his belt in the oven?
He wanted a hot topic.
0
What do you call a fish that's a pilot?
A bass-ist.
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Why did the man bring a hammer to the restaurant?
He wanted a tender steak.
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What do you call a cow that's a dancer?
A moo-bo.
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How do you make a chair laugh?
Seat it.
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Why did the man put his hat in the freezer?
He wanted a cool cap.
0
What do you call a dog that's a painter?
A brush-hound.
0
Why did the man bring a clock to the doctor?
He had a ticking feeling.
0
What do you call a cat that's a musician?
A meow-tropolitan.
0
How do you make a lamp laugh?
Lighten up.
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Why did the man put his scarf in the oven?
He wanted a warm neck.
0
What do you call a fish that's a comedian?
A stand-up sturgeon.
0
Why did the man bring a mirror to the library?
He wanted to reflect on his reading.
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What do you call a cow that's a scientist?
A moo-lecular biologist.
0
How do you make a towel laugh?
Dry wit.
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Why did the man put his shoes in the freezer?
He wanted cold feet.
0
What do you call a dog that's a philosopher?
A bark-it.
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Why did the man bring a fan to the opera?
He wanted to cool down the arias.
0
What do you call a cat that's a dancer?
A twirl-purr.
0
How do you make a glass laugh?
Cup it.
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Why did the man put his watch in the oven?
He wanted a hot minute.
0
What do you call a fish that's a gardener?
A plant-fish.
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Why did the man bring a rope to the bar?
He wanted to tie one on.
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What do you call a cow that's a doctor?
A moo-stitute.
0
How do you make a spoon laugh?
Stir it up.
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Why did the man put his wallet in the oven?
He wanted some hot money.
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What do you call a dog that's a comedian?
A tail-wagger.
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Why did the man bring a kite to the museum?
He heard it had a high ceiling.
0
What do you call a cat that's a pilot?
A purr-ouser.
0
How do you make a table laugh?
Set it up.
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Why did the man put his keys in the freezer?
He wanted to lock in the cold.
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What do you call a fish that's a librarian?
A cod-ifier.
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Why did the man bring a feather to the library?
He wanted tickling thoughts.
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What do you call a cow that's a librarian?
A moo-codex.
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How do you make a box laugh?
Crate it.
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Why did the man put his phone in the freezer?
He wanted a cool call.
0
What do you call a dog that's a magician?
A hocus-paw-cus.
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Why did the man bring a pillow to the opera?
He heard it was a sleeping beauty.
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What do you call a cat that's a gardener?
A purr-ennial.
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How do you make a basket laugh?
Weave it.