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Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarterback.
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What do you call a football player who steals?
A wide receiver of stolen goods.
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Why did the football team go to the bakery?
They needed a good roll out.
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What's a football player's favorite type of music?
Heavy metal — because of all the tackles.
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Why did the football get a red card?
It kept bouncing into the end zone.
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How do football players stay cool during a game?
They stand near the fans.
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Why did the quarterback bring a pencil to the game?
To draw up a play in the dirt.
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What do you call a football team made of sheep?
The Rams.
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Why did the football coach put his team on a diet?
They were too heavy to pass.
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What's a football's favorite day of the week?
Game day… obviously.
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Why did the football player break up with his girlfriend?
She couldn't commit to a first down.
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How does a football player say goodbye?
I'll see you on the field — after the flag.
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Why did the football cross the road?
To get to the other sideline.
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What do you call a football player who loves math?
A number cruncher who calls audibles.
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Why was the football field so polite?
It always said “thank you” after a touchdown.
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What's a football's least favorite vegetable?
A fumble… in a pun.
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Why did the coach yell at the vending machine?
He wanted a quarter back.
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How do you stop a football player from doing the wave?
Hide the pom-poms.
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Why did the football player bring string to practice?
To tie up the loose ends.
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What's the hardest part of playing football?
The field — except when it's AstroTurf.
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Why did the football team hire a baker?
They needed someone to knead the dough for halftime.
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What do you call a football player who can't stop dancing?
A groovy kicker.
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Why did the football refuse to go to school?
It was already punting.
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How do you make a football team angry?
Call a timeout when they're on a roll.
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Why did the linebacker take up gardening?
He wanted to grow his own sacks.
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What do you call a football game played in a swamp?
A mud bowl with extra grip.
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Why did the football player wear a helmet to bed?
In case he dreamed of a head rush.
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What's a football's favorite drink?
Gatorade — it's got electrolytes for the big game.
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Why did the kicker get a ticket?
He was caught punting in a no-kicking zone.
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What do you call a football player who tells jokes?
A pun-derful wide receiver.
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Why did the football team go to the art museum?
To see the masterpieces of the old formations.
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How do you catch a football player?
Use a tight end.
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What's a football's favorite movie?
The Longest Yard — it's about second chances.
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Why did the quarterback eat his playbook?
Because he wanted a balanced diet of runs and passes.
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What do you call a football team that always loses?
The practice squad.
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Why did the football sit on the bench?
It needed a break from all the pressure.
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How do football players send letters?
Via snail mail — they take a lot of snaps.
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Why did the wide receiver bring a ladder?
To reach the high passes.
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What's a football's favorite game?
Hide-and-seek — especially during a fumble.
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Why did the football coach go to the dentist?
To get a new quarterback.
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What do you call a football that's also a detective?
A Sherlock Holmes special teams.
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Why did the football player bring an umbrella?
In case of a Hail Mary.
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How does a football say sorry?
By rolling into the end zone for a touchback.
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What's a football player's favorite dessert?
Pigskin pie with whipped cream.
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Why did the defensive end become a chef?
He loved to sack and bake.
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What do you call a football team made of ghosts?
The Spirits — they never have a solid defense.
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Why did the football cross the goal line?
To get to the other celebration.
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How do you make a football team listen?
Yell 'huddle up!' — then whisper.
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Why did the football go to therapy?
It had too many inflations and deflations.
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What's a football's favorite kind of party?
A tailgate — no gate required.