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Why did Darth Vader start a bakery?
He was looking for the perfect sith-loaf.
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What do you call a Jedi who's always late?
Master Yoda-wait.
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How do you greet a Wookiee at a party?
Let out a friendly "Chewy, it's you!"
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Why don't stormtroopers play hide and seek?
Because no matter where they hide, they can't hit anything.
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What's Han Solo's favorite kind of pizza?
Deep space pan with extra smuggled cheese.
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Why did the Millennium Falcon break up with its girlfriend?
She kept saying it had a lousy docking port.
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What did Luke say when he saw the Death Star plans?
"That's one small print for a man, one giant plot hole for mankind."
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How does a Sith Lord order at a restaurant?
He says, "Unlimited pow-er… and a side of fries."
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Why did the Emperor cross the road?
To get to the dark side of the street.
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What kind of music do TIE fighters play?
Heavy metal, with lots of screeching.
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Why did Obi-Wan Kenobi always carry a pencil?
To draw first blood—and his lightsaber.
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What's Darth Maul's favorite drink?
Double-blended smoothie, extra sharp.
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Why can't droids play poker?
They always fold under pressure.
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What do you get when you cross a Wampa with a Tauntaun?
A furry sleeping bag that bites back.
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How does a Jedi say goodbye?
"May the Force be with you… and also with you."
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Why did R2-D2 need a therapist?
Too many unresolved beeps and whistles.
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What did Princess Leia say when she found out the trash compactor had a monster?
"I have a bad feeling about this… again."
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Why don't they let Jawas into restaurants?
They always try to negotiate for the salt shaker.
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What's a clone trooper's favorite dessert?
Creme de la 501st.
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Why did Anakin Skywalker fall in love with sand?
It's coarse, rough, and irritating—just like his personality.
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How does Lando Calrissian apologize?
"I'm sorry, I changed the deal… pray I don't alter it further."
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What do you call a Sith who won't share?
Darth Hoarder.
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Why did the Death Star fail its inspection?
Too many thermal exhaust ports and zero fire escapes.
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What did Luke say when Yoda lifted the X-wing?
"I guess size matters not… unless you're paying for parking."
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Why did C-3PO cross the road?
He was calculating the odds and decided it was 87.3% safe.
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What's a Hutt's favorite game?
Monopoly—they always land on the palace.
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Why did the Ewoks boycott the Imperial buffet?
Too many Stormtroopers, not enough crunchy treats.
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How does a droid deal with a hangover?
It reboots and says, "I'm functioning within acceptable parameters."
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What do you call a Jedi who can't control their temper?
Darth Tantrum.
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Why did Darth Vader join the gym?
He wanted to work on his grip strength.
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What's the most romantic thing Han Solo ever said?
"I know."
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Why did the Emperor always carry a comb?
To keep his force lightning from messing his hair.
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How many stormtroopers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None—they just stand around and miss it.
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What do you call a rebel spy who gets caught?
A leaky faucet.
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Why did Mace Windu bring a purple lightsaber?
He thought red was too mainstream.
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What's the difference between a Jedi and a Sith?
One uses the Force, the other uses forced humor.
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Why did the TIE fighter fail its flight test?
It kept banking left due to asymmetrical solar panels.
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What did Yoda say when he saw the mess in the Jedi Temple?
"Mop, I need."
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Why did Kylo Ren break his helmet?
He was tired of people saying it looked like a colander.
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How do you make a droid laugh?
Tell it a joke with a logical flaw.
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What's Princess Leia's favorite song?
"I Will Always Love You" (but only if you sing it back).
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Why did the Millennium Falcon never win a race?
It always made the Kessel run in 12 parsecs—but that's about distance, not speed.
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What do you call a gathering of Ewoks?
A lumber party.
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Why did Obi-Wan leave his lightsaber on the nightstand?
He wanted to test if the high ground was really that safe.
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What's a stormtrooper's favorite exercise?
The Imperial March—one, two, three, oops.
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Why did Darth Vader start breathing heavily?
He forgot to replace his oxygen filter.
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How does a Hutt introduce himself?
"I am Jabba the Hutt… I eat first, ask questions later."
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What did Chewbacca say when he heard the Death Star was destroyed?
"RAAAAWR" (translation: "Finally, a quiet vacation").
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Why did the Jedi Council forbid puns?
Because puns lead to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to dad jokes.
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What's the best way to escape a Star Wars spoiler?
Use the Force—and unfollow everyone.