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Why did the fat man put his belt in the freezer?
Because he wanted to have a cool waistline.
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What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
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Why don't fat people play hide and seek?
Because good luck hiding when you're always showing.
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How do fat people get their exercise?
By running their mouths at the buffet.
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What's a fat man's favorite breakfast?
A second breakfast.
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Why did the fat man sit on the clock?
Because he wanted to be on time.
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What do you call a fat person with a briefcase?
A heavyweight champion.
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Why did the fat man go to the bakery?
He needed some dough.
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How do you catch a fat rabbit?
The same way you catch any rabbit—with a net, but bigger.
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What's a fat person's favorite type of music?
Heavy metal.
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Why did the fat man refuse to play cards?
Because he was afraid of getting a big hand.
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What do you call a fat person who can see the future?
A large medium.
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Why do fat people love the ocean?
Because they can make waves.
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How does a fat person greet you?
"Pleased to eat you."
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What's a fat man's favorite game?
Sumo wrestling.
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Why did the fat man bring a ladder to the bar?
Because he heard the drinks were on the house.
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What do you call a fat person with a sunburn?
A roast.
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Why did the fat man wear a yellow shirt?
Because he was feeling a bit sunny side up.
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How do you make a fat person laugh?
Tell them a joke about weight loss.
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Why don't fat people use stairs?
Because they prefer the escalator to be their elevator.
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What's a fat person's favorite vegetable?
A doughnut—it's fried dough so it's like a vegetable?
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Why did the fat man get a ticket?
Because he was driving a dump truck in the carpool lane.
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What do you call a fat guy who's always cold?
A blubber.
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Why did the fat man eat a dictionary?
Because he wanted to increase his word weight.
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How do you know a fat person has been in your house?
The fridge is empty and the couch is a foot lower.
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What's a fat person's favorite day of the week?
Fat Tuesday.
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Why did the fat man go to the doctor?
He had a weight problem—he couldn't find his feet.
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What do you call a fat person who loves math?
A plus-size problem.
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Why do fat people hate hallways?
Because they're not wide enough to turn around.
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How does a fat person apologize?
"I'm sorry—I didn't mean to be so heavy."
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What's a fat man's favorite TV show?
The Biggest Loser (but he watches it while eating).
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Why did the fat man sit on a bucket of ice?
To cool down his hot dog.
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What do you call a fat person who can sing well?
A heavyweight vocalist.
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Why don't fat people play basketball?
Because they don't want to be called a "big man" on the court.
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How do you stop a fat person from eating?
Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.
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What's a fat person's favorite dessert?
Anything with "extra" in the name.
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Why did the fat man get a job at the bakery?
He kneaded the dough.
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What do you call a fat person with a bunch of keys?
A master of locks, but not of doors.
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Why did the fat man put his money in the blender?
Because he wanted to make liquid assets.
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How does a fat person get in shape?
They eat a square meal.
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What's a fat person's favorite exercise?
The buffet crawl.
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Why did the fat man buy a scale?
To see if he could weigh his options.
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What do you call a fat person who can dance?
A well-rounded performer.
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Why don't fat people use iPads?
Because they already have a tablet every day.
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How do you know a fat person has been to a party?
All the dip is gone and the chips are crushed.
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What's a fat man's favorite camping activity?
Setting up the tent as a T-shirt.
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Why did the fat man go to the beach?
To get a tan on his ample frame.
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What do you call a fat person with a PhD?
A heavyweight intellectual.
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Why did the fat man's wife leave him?
He kept coming home with too much baggage.
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How do you make a fat person run?
Offer them a free meal at the finish line.