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Why did the golfer break up with his girlfriend?
She had a bad puttitude.
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What's a golfer's favorite type of music?
Swing.
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Why do golfers never get lost?
They always know the way to the green.
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What's a golfer's favorite drink?
Tee-quila.
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Why did the golf ball run away from home?
It was tired of being hit.
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How do you stop a golf ball from rolling?
Take away its putting green.
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What's a golfer's favorite part of the newspaper?
The sports section — especially the scores.
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Why are golfers so good at math?
They're always counting strokes.
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What did the golf club say to the ball?
I've got my eye on you.
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Why did the golfer bring a ladder to the course?
He wanted to improve his score.
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What's a golfer's favorite dessert?
Tee ramisu.
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Why do golfers make good detectives?
They always follow the putts.
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What do you call a golfer who can't stop talking?
A chatterbox driver.
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Why did the golf ball go to the beach?
To get a tan.
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What's a golfer's favorite animal?
A putterfly.
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Why did the golfer sit on the tee?
He needed a rest.
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How do golfers celebrate a good shot?
They chip and cheer.
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What's a golfer's favorite movie?
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly — because of the rough.
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Why don't golfers play cards?
They're afraid of getting a rough hand.
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What did the golf ball say after a bad shot?
That stung.
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Why do golfers love autumn?
Because the leaves change and the fairways get crisp.
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What's a golfer's favorite type of shoe?
Spikes.
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Why did the golfer quit his job?
He was tired of working on his swing.
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How do you make a golfer laugh?
Tell him a tee-rrific joke.
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What's a golfer's favorite vegetable?
A green bean.
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Why did the golfer bring a map to the course?
He was afraid of getting lost in the rough.
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What do you call a golf tournament full of lawyers?
A legal eagle.
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Why don't golfers use umbrellas?
They prefer to play through the rain.
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What's a golfer's favorite holiday?
Labor Day — because they get to drive.
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Why did the golf ball cross the road?
To get to the other tee.
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How do you know a golfer is lying?
His lips are moving while he's chipping.
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What's a golfer's favorite board game?
Checkers — because of the squares.
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Why did the golfer go to the doctor?
He had a bad case of the slices.
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What do you call a golfer who can't make putts?
A miss-ter.
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Why are golfers terrible at basketball?
They always try to putt instead of shoot.
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What's a golfer's favorite type of tree?
A tee tree.
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Why did the golfer buy a new watch?
His old one had too many strokes.
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How do you stop a golfer from bragging?
Tell him his handicap is showing.
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What's a golfer's favorite exercise?
The driver stretch.
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Why did the golfer quit golf?
He couldn't get past the fourth hole.
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What do you call a sad golfer?
A putt-in-a-box.
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Why did the golfer take a nap on the green?
He was exhausted from all the putting.
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What's a golfer's favorite season?
Spring — because of the masters.
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Why do golfers hate elevators?
They always take the wrong shaft.
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What do you call a group of golfers playing in the dark?
Night putters.
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Why did the golfer bring a broom to the course?
To sweep the green.
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How do you cheer up a golfer after a bad round?
Tell him it's just a game.
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What's a golfer's favorite type of beer?
A putter ale.
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Why did the golfer avoid the sand trap?
He didn't want to get stuck.
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What do you call a golfer who always wins?
A birdie whisperer.