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Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts.
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What do you call fake spaghetti?
An impasta.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?
He was outstanding in his field.
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What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
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How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
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Why did the bicycle fall over?
It was two-tired.
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What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
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Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
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What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman.
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How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
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Why did the math book look so sad?
It had too many problems.
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What do you call a belt made of watches?
A waist of time.
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Why are ghosts bad at lying?
Because you can see right through them.
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What do you call a factory that sells okay products?
A satisfactory.
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How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring experience.
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Why was the computer cold?
It left its Windows open.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
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Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
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What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A Labracadabrador.
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Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
It felt crumby.
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What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
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How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
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Why don't scientists trust atoms?
They make up everything.
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What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
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Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn't peeling well.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
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Why don't oysters give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
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What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
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Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
It was stuffed.
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How does a barber greet customers?
"How about a close shave?"
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What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
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Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex?
He wanted to have a watch dog.
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What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
So-fish-ticated.
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Why was the broom late?
It swept in.
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What do you call a rich fish?
A goldfish.
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How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut.
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Why did the coffee taste like dirt?
It was ground too fine.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
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Why did the mushroom go to the party?
He was a fungi.
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What do you call a bear caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
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Why are fish so smart?
They live in schools.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A stick.
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How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
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Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
All the fans left.
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What do you call a pencil with two erasers?
Pointless.
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Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash.
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What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky.
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Why don't hunters like math?
They're afraid of the count.
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What do you call a deaf dog?
Doesn't matter what you call him, he won't come.
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Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
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What do you call a monkey with a banana in its ear?
Whatever you want, it can't hear you.
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How do you make an egg laugh?
Tell it a yolk.
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Why did the picture go to jail?
It was framed.
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What do you call a bird that sticks to everything?
A Vel-crow.
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Why did the music teacher need a ladder?
To reach the high notes.
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What do you call a cat that eats lemons?
A sourpuss.
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Why did the bicycle stand up on its own?
It was two-tired.
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What do you call a pile of cats?
A meow-tain.
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Why did the clock get a ticket?
For loitering on the wall.
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What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
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How does a penguin feel when it loses its keys?
Pinguin.
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Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
Because he wanted to go to high school.
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What do you call a cheese that's not yours?
Nacho cheese.
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Why did the frog park his car?
Because it was a toad-al.
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What do you call a cow that plays the piano?
A moo-sician.
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road?
It ran out of juice.
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What do you call a bear with a sore throat?
A hoarse bear.
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How do you stop a bull from charging?
Cancel its credit card.
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Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
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What do you call a dinosaur that sleeps all day?
A dino-snore.
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Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road?
It ran out of juice.
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What do you call a dog that can do a handstand?
A paw-sitive.
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Why did the plaster feel shy?
Because it was a bit clingy.
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Why did the baker go to the bank?
To get his dough.
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What do you call a cat that loves the beach?
Sandy Claws.
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Why did the boy eat his homework?
Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.
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What do you call a bear that's always in a hurry?
A grizzly.
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Why did the computer go to the doctor?
It had a virus.
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What do you call a lion that loves to knit?
A purr-ambulator.
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Why did the ghost go to the bar?
For the boos.
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What do you call a skunk that loves to dance?
A stink-let.
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Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
It felt crummy.
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What do you call a cat that eats pizza?
A purr-son.
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Why did the pumpkins cross the road?
To get to the other patch.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
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Why did the man put his money in the blender?
He wanted to make liquid assets.
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What do you call a cow that can climb trees?
A highland cow.
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Why did the math teacher go to the beach?
To work on his tan-gents.
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What do you call a pig that learned karate?
A pork chop.
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Why did the banana go to the gym?
To get strong peel.
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What do you call a dog that likes to dig?
A hole-y dog.
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Why did the chair go to therapy?
It was feeling a bit wobbly.
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What do you call a bear that loves the rain?
A drizzly bear.
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Why did the elephant paint its toenails red?
So it could hide in a cherry tree.
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Why did the baker stop making doughnuts?
He got tired of the hole situation.
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What do you call a cat that drinks lemonade?
A sourpuss.
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Why did the tomato go to the bank?
To get its juice back.