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Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
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Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
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How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
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Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two-tired.
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What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
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Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts.
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What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
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How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
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Why did the math book look so sad?
Because it had too many problems.
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What do you call a belt made of watches?
A waist of time.
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Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
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What do you call a pile of cats?
A meowtain.
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Why was the computer cold?
It left its Windows open.
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What do you call a crying ice cream?
A meltdown.
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Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash.
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How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
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What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
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Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
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Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn't peeling well.
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What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
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Why did the frog call his insurance company?
He had a jump in his car.
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How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
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Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged.
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What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
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Why did the baker go to therapy?
He kneaded the dough.
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What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
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Why did the music teacher go to jail?
Because she got caught fingering A minor.
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How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
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What do you call a fish that wears a bowtie?
Sofishticated.
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Why did the stadium get so hot?
All the fans left.
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What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman.
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Why did the picture go to jail?
It was framed.
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How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Look for fresh prints.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
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Why did the orange stop rolling?
It ran out of juice.
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What do you call a bear caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
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Why did the gym close?
It just didn't work out.
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What do you call a factory that sells passable goods?
A satisfactory.
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Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
He was outstanding in his field.
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How do you make a lemon drop?
Let it fall.
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What do you call a bird that sticks to everything?
A Velcrow.
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Why did the woman go to the dentist?
To get her teeth capped.
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What do you call a snowman with a carrot nose?
Frosty.
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Why did the computer go to the doctor?
It had a virus.
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How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?
With a pumpkin patch.
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What do you call a cow that plays the guitar?
A moosician.
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Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
Because he wanted to go to high school.
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What do you call a pig that knows how to drive?
A road hog.
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Why did the belt go to jail?
It held up a pair of pants.
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How do you catch a fish with no hands?
Use a net.
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What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A labracadabrador.
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Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
It felt crummy.
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What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dino-snore.
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Why did the man throw the clock out the window?
He wanted to see time fly.
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How do you catch a rabbit?
Hide behind a bush and make a noise like a carrot.
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What do you call a bear with no ears?
B.
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Why did the music teacher get arrested?
For fingering A minor.
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What do you call a fake stone in Scotland?
A sham rock.
0
Why did the king go to the dentist?
To get his teeth crowned.
0
How do you make an octopus laugh?
With ten-tickles.
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What do you call a sheep with a criminal record?
A bad ewe.
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Why did the man sit on a clock?
He wanted to be on time.
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What do you call a dog that can tell time?
A watch dog.
0
Why did the car get a ticket?
It was parked in a no-parking zone.
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How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
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What do you call a cat that can walk on water?
A puss in boots.
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Why did the baseball team go to the bank?
The catcher wanted to deposit his mitt.
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What do you call a computer that sings?
A Dell.
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Why did the broom get a divorce?
It swept her off her feet.
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How do you catch a polar bear?
Set a trap and leave a tuna sandwich.
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What do you call a criminal with a cold?
A sicko.
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Why did the baker stop making donuts?
He got tired of the hole business.
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What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky.
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How do you make a squirrel happy?
Give it a nut.
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What do you call a snake that builds houses?
A boa constructor.
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Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?
He needed space.
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What do you call a bear that squashes everything?
A grizzly bear.
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How do you catch a unique bird?
Unique up on it.
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What do you call a dog that is a magician?
A labracadabrador.
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Why did the coffee get promoted?
It was ground-breaking.
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What do you call a cat that likes to bowl?
An alley cat.
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How do you make a duck sing?
Put it in a microwave.
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What do you call a dinosaur that is a mechanic?
A Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
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Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It was not peeling well.
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What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
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How do you catch a cloud?
Put it in a jar.
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What do you call a cow that is a comedian?
A moo-vement.
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What do you call a sheep that knows how to dance?
A baa-llerina.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?
Make sure one of them is a match.
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What do you call a cat that is a doctor?
A purr-acticioner.
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Why did the scarecrow get a trophy?
He was outstanding in his field.
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What do you call a bear that forgets everything?
A forgetful bear.
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How do you catch a fish with no hands?
You use a net.
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What do you call a pig that does yoga?
A pork chop.
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Why did the computer get glasses?
It couldn't see its C drive.
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What do you call a sleeping cow?
A bull-dozer.