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Why did the nurse bring a red pen to work?
In case she had to draw blood.
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What do you call a nurse who can't stop telling jokes?
A pun-cture professional.
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Why don't nurses ever get lost?
They always follow the vein.
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How do nurses stay calm during a crisis?
They practice patient patience.
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What did the nurse say to the patient who couldn't sleep?
"Take a pill and call me in the morning."
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Why was the nurse so good at math?
She knew how to divide patients by rooms.
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What do you get when you cross a nurse with a computer?
A byte of care.
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Why did the nurse carry a ladder?
To reach the high blood pressure.
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How do nurses communicate?
Through IV emails.
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What's a nurse's favorite kind of music?
Heartbeat rhythm and blues.
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Why did the nurse put a clock in the waiting room?
To give patients a shot of time.
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What did the nurse say when the patient asked for a second opinion?
"Sure, come back tomorrow."
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Why are nurses so good at trivia?
They know all the vital signs.
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How do nurses stay in shape?
They run on adrenaline.
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What did the nurse give the anxious patient?
A dose of courage.
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Why did the nurse break up with the doctor?
Too many tests.
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What's a nurse's favorite dessert?
Crème de la crème of care.
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Why don't nurses play hide and seek?
Because good nurses always find you.
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What did the nurse say to the grumpy patient?
"Let's put a smile on that IV."
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How do nurses make decisions?
They weight the options.
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Why did the nurse bring a flashlight to work?
To check for night sweats.
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What's a nurse's favorite game?
Operation – but without the buzz.
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Why did the nurse always carry a pencil?
To draw up plans.
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What do you call a nurse who loves gardening?
A bed-side gardener.
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How do nurses prefer their coffee?
With a shot of empathy.
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Why was the nurse always invited to parties?
She knew how to treat people.
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What did the nurse say when the patient complained about the food?
"It's a balanced diet – we balance it on the tray."
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Why did the nurse sit on the ice pack?
To cool down after a busy shift.
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What's a nurse's least favorite fruit?
A bad case of plumb-line.
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How do nurses say goodbye?
"Take care of yourself, I'll check your vitals later."
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Why did the nurse get promoted?
She had great bedside manner.
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What do you call a nurse who can sing?
A medication crooner.
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Why don't nurses ever get dizzy?
They have a steady IV hand.
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What did the nurse say to the patient who kept pressing the call button?
"You're pushing my buttons!"
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How do nurses treat a broken heart?
With a cardiac catheter.
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Why did the nurse bring a map to the hospital?
To navigate the rounds.
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What's a nurse's favorite time of day?
Happy hour in the break room.
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Why did the nurse avoid the sun?
She preferred UV-free prescriptions.
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What did the nurse say when the doctor asked for a pulse?
"I'm feeling a bit stressed myself."
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How do nurses cheer up coworkers?
With a dose of humor.
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Why did the nurse fail at poker?
She couldn't keep a straight face.
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What's a nurse's favorite animal?
A vein-oceros.
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Why did the nurse take up painting?
To brush up on fine motor skills.
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What did the nurse say when the patient asked for a diagnosis?
"I'll need a second opinion from my supervisor."
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How do nurses stay organized?
They chart their course.
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Why did the nurse cross the road?
To check the other patient's vitals.
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What do you call a nurse who's also a chef?
A care-ative cook.
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Why was the nurse always calm during code blue?
She practiced defibrillation zen.
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What did the nurse say to the patient who sneezed?
"Bless you – now let's check your blood pressure."
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How do nurses unwind after a long shift?
They decompress with a cup of tea.