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Why did Santa's sleigh have no steering wheel?
Because he only goes one way — right down the chimney.
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What do you call Santa when he takes a break?
Santa Paws.
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Why are Christmas trees bad at knitting?
They keep dropping their needles.
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What did the gingerbread man use to light the tree?
Cookie dough.
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Why don't reindeer answer the phone?
They're always on sleigh.
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How does Santa keep his suit so white?
Bleak-mas miracles.
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What did the Christmas lights say to the plug?
You light up my life.
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Why did the ornament go to therapy?
It had too much hang-up.
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What's the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum — you can't beat it.
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How do snowmen get around?
By riding an icicle.
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Why was the Christmas turkey so quiet?
Because it had a lot on its plate.
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What do you call a reindeer with no eyes?
I have no idea.
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Why did the Christmas elf break up with his girlfriend?
She was too wrapped up in herself.
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What do you get if you eat too many Christmas cookies?
Santa belly.
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How does a Christmas tree keep its pants up?
With a candy cane belt.
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Why do we put tinsel on the tree?
Because it's a string of good cheer.
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What do you call a snowman in July?
A puddle.
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Why did Santa put his sleigh on the roof?
He needed to get a jump-start.
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What is the most popular Christmas carol in the bakery?
O' Let Us Brie.
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How do you know Santa is a good driver?
He always goes with the floe.
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Why was the Christmas stocking so upset?
It felt down at the heel.
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What do you call a family of reindeer who argue?
Dasher and Donder and Blitzen and strife.
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Why did the Christmas wreath get a promotion?
It was always a ring leader.
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What does Mrs. Claus wear under her robe?
A sleigh-ing dress.
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Why do we sing carols on Christmas?
Because caroling is andante.
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What do you give a Christmas tree for its birthday?
A pine-ing gift.
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How does a snowman celebrate Christmas?
By having an ice day.
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Why was the Christmas turkey so popular?
Because he was such a ham.
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What's the difference between a Christmas letter and a Christmas tree?
One is a holiday card, the other a card-holder.
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Why did the Christmas elf go to school?
To improve his elf-esteem.
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What do you call a reindeer that tells bad jokes?
A pun-der.
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Why is Christmas like a baby?
Because it always arrives with a lot of wrapping.
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How do you make a Christmas cake?
Mix a little batter and a lot of laughter.
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What did the Christmas star say to the North Star?
You're pretty bright for a celestial body.
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Why do we hang stockings by the chimney?
So Santa can fill them with cheer and maybe a few lumps.
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What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted flakes.
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Why was the Christmas tree so short?
Because it was a little spruce.
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What does Santa say when his reindeer misbehave?
'You'll be on the nice list if you behave!'
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How do you know if Santa is in the house?
You'll hear a jingle and a jangle.
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Why did the Christmas cookie go to the doctor?
It was feeling crumby.
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What is a reindeer's favorite game?
Prancer and seek.
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Why was the Christmas pudding so cheerful?
Because it was full of plums and spirit.
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What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman.
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Why do elves love Christmas?
Because it's their time to sleigh.
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How does Santa keep his list straight?
He uses a naughty-or-nice index.
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What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?
You're just hanging around.
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Why is the Christmas season so noisy?
Because of all the caroling and jingling.
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What do you call a reindeer that loves the spotlight?
A stage-dancer.
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Why did the Christmas stocking marry the fireplace?
Because they had a warm relationship.
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How does Santa keep his job?
He always delivers.