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Why did the atom never trust itself?
Because it had too many protons—always positive but never sure of its charge.
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What did the physicist say when the graph broke?
I guess my data is now dis-continuous.
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How does a chemist say goodbye?
I'll zinc of you later.
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Why did the biologist bring a ladder to the lab?
To reach the high-pH solutions.
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What did one tectonic plate say to the other?
I've got a rift with you.
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Why did the fungus get an award?
It was a real spore-stopper.
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Why was the math book so sad?
It had too many problems but not enough solutions.
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How do you break up with a physicist?
Just say we need some space.
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Why did the chicken cross the lab?
To get to the other side of the petri dish.
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What do you call a bear that dissolves in water?
A polar bear.
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Why couldn't the two electrons get in the elevator?
They were in different spin states.
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What does a geologist do to a rock that talks too much?
Puts it on mute—turns it into sedimentary silence.
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Why was the carbon so good at parties?
Because it had four bonds to make.
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How do you know you've met a chemist?
They always have a solution.
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Why did the robot visit the dentist?
To get a byte removed.
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What did the neutrino say to the wall?
I'll pass right through you.
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Why did the star go to school?
To get brighter.
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How does a physicist solve a fence problem?
By using a line integral.
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Why did the chemist's dog run away?
It couldn't handle the periodic table.
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What did the photon say to the black hole?
I think I've been swallowed by the moment.
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Why did the DNA go to therapy?
It had too many sticky ends.
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How do you make a hormone?
Don't pay her.
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Why was the computer so good at science?
It used a lot of artificial intelligence.
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What do you call a snake that works in a lab?
An anaconda pipette.
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Why did the scientist break up with the microscope?
It couldn't see things from her perspective.
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How do you catch a gravitational wave?
LIGO fishing.
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Why did the biologist only date plants?
Because they photosynthesize love.
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What did the ocean say to the meteorologist?
Stop making waves about my currents.
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Why did the astronomer get fired?
He kept using a telescope to look at the moon instead of the stars.
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How does a physicist order breakfast?
With a quantum omelet—both fried and scrambled until observed.
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Why did the lab coat break up with the goggles?
It couldn't see any future together.
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What's a geologist's favorite type of music?
Rock.
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Why did the bacteria get promoted?
It had great culture.
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How do you find a lost chemistry set?
Just follow the trail of reactions.
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Why did the moon stop arguing with the sun?
It was tired of being eclipsed.
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What do you call an educated seed?
A graduate.
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Why did the biologist cross the lab with a scalpel?
To cut to the chase.
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How does a chemist solve a crime?
By looking for the element of surprise.
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Why did the physicist refuse to play cards?
He was afraid of quantum entanglement—he'd never know which hand was his.
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What did the iodine say to the tin?
I'm not sure we have a bond.
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Why did the starfish get a ticket?
It was starfishing in a no-parking zone.
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How do you know a biologist is lying?
Their cells are in the lab.
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Why did the light bulb go to the doctor?
It had a watt too much voltage.
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What does a physicist say when something is easy?
It's a piece of pi.
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Why did the sodium take a nap?
It was tired of being reactive.
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How do you tell a real scientist from a fake?
The real one always has a hypothesis for everything.
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Why did the geologist break his hammer?
He used it on a hard rock.
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What do you get when you cross a physicist with a clock?
Time dilation.
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Why did the chemist only eat organic food?
Because it had good carbon ratings.
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How do you make a biologist laugh?
Tell them a ribosome joke—it's a real peptonizer.