0
Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
0
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.
She gave me a hug.
0
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
0
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
0
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
0
I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
0
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
0
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
He was outstanding in his field.
0
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
0
Where do hamburgers go to dance?
The meatball.
0
Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts.
0
What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
0
I'm reading a book on anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down.
0
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
0
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
0
Why did the bicycle fall over?
It was two-tired.
0
What do you call a belt made of watches?
A waist of time.
0
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
0
What do you call a factory that sells generally okay products?
A satisfactory.
0
I would tell you a joke about an elevator, but it's an uplifting experience.
I would tell you a joke about an elevator, but it's an uplifting experience.
0
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she will let it go.
0
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman.
0
Why did the math book look so sad?
Because it had too many problems.
0
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
0
I would tell you a joke about construction, but I'm still working on it.
I would tell you a joke about construction, but I'm still working on it.
0
Why was the broom late for work?
It overswept.
0
What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind?
A maybe.
0
Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
0
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
0
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
0
How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut.
0
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved.
0
Why did the baker go to therapy?
He kneaded it.
0
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
0
I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy.
I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy.
0
Why was the computer cold?
It left its Windows open.
0
What do you call a pile of cats?
A meowtain.
0
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.
0
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
0
What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A stick.
0
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
0
Why don't sharks eat clowns?
They taste funny.
0
What do you call a cheese that's not yours?
Nacho cheese.
0
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
0
Why did the man run around his bed?
Because he wanted to catch up on his sleep.
0
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
0
How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
0
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A labracadabrador.
0
Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged.
0
What do you call a snowman's dog?
A slush puppy.
0
I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
0
Why did the scarecrow become a successful DJ?
He had the best beats.
0
What do you call a fish that wears a bowtie?
So-fish-ticated.
0
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn't peeling well.
0
How do you make a lemon drop?
Let it fall.
0
What do you call a bird that sticks to everything?
A velcrow.
0
Why was the belt arrested?
Holding up a pair of pants.
0
What do you call a bear that dances?
A boogie bear.
0
Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
All the fans left.
0
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
0
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it. How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, unique up on it.
0
Why did the chicken go to the seance?
To talk to the other side.
0
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
0
Why did the ghost go to the party?
For the boos.
0
What do you call a nervous javelin?
A shaky spear.
0
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
0
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!
0
Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.
0
What do you call a bear that has been caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
0
Why are ghosts bad liars?
Because you can see right through them.
0
How do you know the ocean is friendly?
It waves.
0
Why did the tree go to the dentist?
To get a root canal.
0
What do you call a fake stone in Ireland?
A sham rock.
0
Why did the farmer win an award?
He was outstanding in his field.
0
What do you call a bear that loves to eat garlic?
A grizzly bear.
0
Why did the golfer change his shoes?
He got a hole in one.
0
Why did the music teacher need a ladder?
To reach the high notes.
0
What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?
A try-try-tryceratops.
0
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?
He needed space.
0
What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?
A moosician.
0
Why did the lemon stop rolling?
It ran out of juice.
0
What do you call a sheep with a karate black belt?
A lamb chop.
0
Why did the clock get detention?
It was ticking too loud.
0
What do you call a bear that likes to take baths?
A scrub bear.
0
Why did the pineapple stop dancing?
It couldn't find the rhythm.
0
What do you call a fish that can't swim?
A dead fish.
0
Why did the computer keep sneezing?
It had a virus.
0
What do you call a bear with a sore throat?
A hoarse bear.
0
Why did the bicycle get a ticket?
For running a stop sign.
0
What do you call a cow that can't give milk?
A milk dud.
0
Why did the orange stop?
It ran out of juice.
0
What do you call a bear that can't stand?
A sit-down bear.
0
Why did the banana go to school?
To learn how to split.
0
What do you call a fish that broke the law?
A crime fish.
0
Why did the lamp go to school?
To get a little brighter.
0
What do you call a bear that can't stop eating?
A grizzly bear.
0
Why did the pencil get in trouble?
It was caught drawing.
0
What do you call a dog that can tell time?
A watch dog.
0
Why did the ant go to school?
To learn how to spell.
0
What do you call a bear that loves to sing?
A baritone.
0
Why did the pillow go to the party?
It wanted to have a flat-out good time.
0
What do you call a cow that's a good listener?
A hear-d.
0
Why did the broom get a promotion?
It swept the competition.
0
What do you call a bear that's always in a hurry?
A rush bear.
0
Why did the coffee break up with the tea?
It found a better blend.
0
What do you call a fish that can solve math problems?
A smart fish.
0
Why did the chair go to the doctor?
It had a bad back.
0
What do you call a bear that's a great artist?
A Picasso bear.
0
Why did the elephant paint its toenails red?
So it could hide in a cherry tree.
0
What do you call a cow that's a great dancer?
A moo-ver.
0
Why did the book go to the party?
It wanted to be a page-turner.
0
What do you call a bear that's always cold?
A shiver bear.
0
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the shell station.
0
What do you call a cow that's afraid of everything?
A scaredy cow.
0
Why did the egg run away from home?
It was cracking under pressure.
0
What do you call a bear that's a good cook?
A chef bear.
0
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
0
What do you call a cow that's a great singer?
A moo-sician.
0
Why did the sun go to school?
To get a little brighter.
0
What do you call a bear that's always late?
A tardy bear.
0
Why did the balloon go to the store?
It wanted to be blown up.
0
What do you call a cow that's a great listener?
A moo-tual friend.
0
Why did the orange get a ticket?
For peeling out.
0
What do you call a bear that's a great dancer?
A boogie bear.
0
Why did the tree get a ticket?
For loitering.
0
What do you call a cow that's a great philosopher?
A moo-sopher.
0
Why did the garden go to the doctor?
It had a weed problem.
0
What do you call a bear that's always happy?
A jolly bear.
0
Why did the pencil go to the party?
It wanted to draw attention.
0
What do you call a cow that's a great athlete?
A moo-scle.
0
Why did the watermelon go to the party?
It was a melon-choly.
0
What do you call a bear that's always sleepy?
A snooze bear.
0
Why did the tomato go to the doctor?
It was feeling saucy.
0
What do you call a cow that's a great detective?
A moo-sleuth.
0
Why did the lettuce get an award?
For being a head of the class.
0
What do you call a bear that's always hungry?
A growl bear.
0
Why did the strawberry cry?
Its parents were in a jam.
0
What do you call a cow that's a great teacher?
A moo-tician.
0
Why did the cheese go to the opera?
It loved the big cheese.
0
What do you call a bear that's a great swimmer?
A paddle bear.
0
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
It was feeling crumbly.
0
What do you call a cow that's a great magician?
A moo-gician.
0
Why did the banana go to the party?
It wanted to have a peeling good time.
0
What do you call a bear that's always lost?
A wander bear.