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Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
So-fish-ticated.
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How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
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Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two-tired.
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What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
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Why did the math book look so sad?
Because it had too many problems.
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What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
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How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
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Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
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Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
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Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged.
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How does a scientist freshen her breath?
With experi-mints.
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What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
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Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn't peeling well.
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What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
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Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.
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How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
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What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
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Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
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What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman.
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Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory?
He couldn't concentrate.
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How does a rabbi make coffee?
Hebrews it.
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What do you call a belt made of watches?
A waist of time.
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Why did the chicken join a band?
Because it had the drumsticks.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
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Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
All the fans left.
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How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut.
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What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
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Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon?
He was outstanding in his field.
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What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
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Why did the king go to the dentist?
To get his teeth crowned.
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What do you say to a rabbit on its birthday?
Hoppy birthday!
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Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because it was stuffed.
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How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
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What do you call a bear caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
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Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because it felt crummy.
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What do you call a pile of cats?
A meowtain.
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Why did the farmer win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How do you know if a vampire is sick?
By how much he is coffin.
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What do you call a duck that gets all A's?
A wise quacker.
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Why did the orange stop?
It ran out of juice.
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What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
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Why did the barber win the race?
He knew a shortcut.
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How does a train eat?
It goes chew-chew.
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What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blueberry.
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Why did the man put his money in the blender?
He wanted to make liquid assets.
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What do you call a bird that sticks to everything?
A Vel-crow.
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Why did the frog take the bus to work?
His car got toad away.
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What do you call a bear with a sore throat?
A bear with a sore throat—actually, that's just sick.
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Why did the mushroom go to the party?
Because he was a fun-guy.
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What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dino-snore.
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Why did the computer catch a cold?
It left its Windows open.
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What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky.
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How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
With a pumpkin patch.
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Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?
He needed space.
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What do you call a poor Santa?
St. Nickel-less.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?
To get its root canal.
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What do you call a factory that sells generally okay products?
A satis-factory.
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Why did the fireman wear red suspenders?
To hold his pants up.
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What do you call a fish that plays piano?
A tuna-fish.
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Why did the blacksmith get arrested?
He made some shady deals.
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What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A labracadabrador.
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Why did the golfer change his pants?
He got a hole in one.
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How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.
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What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
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Why did the man stare at the can of orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.
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What do you call a bear with no ears?
B.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
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What do you call a pig that knows karate?
A pork chop.
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Why did the broom get a ticket?
It was sweeping in a no-parking zone.
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What do you call a dinosaur with a broken leg?
A dino-sore.
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How does a penguin fix its house?
With an igloo-glue.
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Why did the baker go to therapy?
He kneaded it.
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What do you call a sheep that can't sing?
A baa-d singer.
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Why did the clock get arrested?
It was tock-ing too loudly.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
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How do you make a lemon drop?
Just let it fall.
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Why did the banana go to the party?
Because it was a-peeling.
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What do you call a train made of bubblegum?
A chew-chew train.
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Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
He had no body to go with.
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What do you call a happy blueberry?
A blueberry that is happy!
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Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
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What do you call a kangaroo that's late?
A pouch potato.
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How do you catch a whole flock of birds?
Build a cage and act like a tree.
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Why did the pianist put his hands in the freezer?
He wanted to play cold music.
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What do you call a cow with a broken leg?
An udder disaster.
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Why did the man put his watch on the piano?
He wanted to play it by ear.
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What do you call a frog that parks illegally?
A toad.
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How do you make a pool table laugh?
Tickle its pockets.
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Why did the snake go to the doctor?
It had a hissue.
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What do you call a cat that eats lemons?
A sour puss.
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Why did the man put his car in the oven?
He wanted a hot rod.
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What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
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How do you keep a bagel from getting away?
Put a hole in it.
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Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
He was outstanding in his field.
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What do you call a dancing sheep?
A baa-llerina.
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Why did the mushroom get invited to every party?
He was a fun-guy.
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How do you find a missing bear?
Trace his grizzly tracks.
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What do you call a dog that's a detective?
Sherlock Bones.
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Why did the orange go to the doctor?
It wasn't peeling well.
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What do you call a pig that lifts weights?
A ham-strong.
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Why did the cookie go to school?
Because it wanted to be a smart cookie.
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What do you call a bear with a sore throat?
Grizzly.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?
He wanted to go to high school.
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What do you call a dog that can tell time?
A watch dog.
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How does a frog tell time?
It croaks every hour.