0
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
0
I'm reading a book on anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down.
0
I would tell you a joke about an atom, but it's too small.
I would tell you a joke about an atom, but it's too small.
0
Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
0
I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
0
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
0
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
0
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
0
I'm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
0
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
0
I would tell a construction joke, but I'm still working on it.
I would tell a construction joke, but I'm still working on it.
0
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.
0
I used to be a baker, but I couldn't rise to the occasion.
I used to be a baker, but I couldn't rise to the occasion.
0
What do you call a belt made of watches?
A waist of time.
0
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two-tired.
0
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
0
I'm terrified of elevators, so I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them.
I'm terrified of elevators, so I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them.
0
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
Sofishticated.
0
Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
0
I used to be a train conductor, but I got sidetracked.
I used to be a train conductor, but I got sidetracked.
0
What do you call a factory that sells generally okay products?
A satisfactory.
0
Why did the math book look so sad?
Because it had too many problems.
0
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
0
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know y.
0
How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut.
0
Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts.
0
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman.
0
I used to be a gardener, but I got tired of the daily grind.
I used to be a gardener, but I got tired of the daily grind.
0
Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged.
0
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite.
0
I'm reading a book on mazes.
I got lost in it.
0
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
0
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
0
How does a taco say grace?
Lettuce pray.
0
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
0
I used to be a baker, but I couldn't afford the rolls.
I used to be a baker, but I couldn't afford the rolls.
0
What do you call a pile of cats?
A meow-ntain.
0
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.
0
What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?
A labracadabrador.
0
Why did the mushroom go to the party?
Because he was a fun-gi.
0
I would tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.
I would tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.
0
What do you call a bear wearing headphones?
A bluetooth.
0
Why did the music teacher need a ladder?
To reach the high notes.
0
What do you call a nervous insect?
A jitterbug.
0
How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
0
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn't peeling well.
0
I used to be a fisherman, but I didn't catch a thing—it was a reel disappointment.
I used to be a fisherman, but I didn't catch a thing—it was a reel disappointment.
0
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
0
Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.
0
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
0
Why don't oysters donate to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
0
I would tell a joke about a pencil, but it's pointless.
I would tell a joke about a pencil, but it's pointless.
0
What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?
R2-Detour.
0
Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash.
0
What do you call a magical dog?
A labracadabrador.
0
Why did the lifeguard get promoted?
Because he had a lot of experience.
0
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.
0
I'm on a whiskey diet.
I've lost three days already.
0
Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
Because he was outstanding in his field.