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Why did Santa bring a ladder to the party?
Because he heard the eggnog was on the top shelf.
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What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman.
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Why was the Christmas tree so bad at knitting?
It kept dropping its needles.
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How does a gingerbread man make his bed?
With cookie sheets.
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What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia.
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Why do reindeer hate cold weather?
Because it's zero degrees and they're already frozen.
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What's the best thing to put into a Christmas pie?
Your teeth.
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Why do we put lights on a Christmas tree?
To help it see in the dark.
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What does a snowman use to fix his house?
Snow glue.
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Why was the Christmas stocking so sad?
Because it was filled with coal.
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What do you call a reindeer that tells jokes?
A comedi-deer.
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Why did the candy cane go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling a bit twisted.
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How does Santa clean his sleigh?
He uses a sleigh-bell.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite.
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Why does Scrooge love fast food?
Because he can't stand a long roast.
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What's a Christmas tree's favorite dance?
The twist.
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Why did the elf put his bed in the fireplace?
He wanted to sleep like a log.
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What did the Christmas card say to the stamp?
Stick with me and we'll go places.
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Why do angels play tambourines?
Because they have all the heavenly beats.
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How does a Christmas tree get into a car?
It gets the trunk.
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What's a snowman's favorite drink?
Ice water.
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Why was the little girl disappointed when she got a toy drum for Christmas?
She wanted a drum set.
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What do you call a reindeer with no legs?
It doesn't matter what you call it, it's not going to come.
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Why did Santa's reindeer go to school?
To improve their dashing skills.
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What do you get if you eat too much Christmas pudding?
A plumb tummy.
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How do you know Santa is a man?
Because no woman would wear the same outfit every year.
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Why did the Christmas turkey cross the road?
To get to the other side dish.
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What does Santa say when he's stuck in a chimney?
Ho ho ho — let me out!
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Why do snowmen prefer round buttons?
Because square ones are square.
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What's a reindeer's favorite subject at school?
Deer-ology.
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Why did the Christmas elf break up with the gingerbread man?
He was too crumbly.
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What do you call an elf who sings?
A wrap star.
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How do Christmas lights talk to each other?
They use bulbs.
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Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
Because he was picking his nose.
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What did Santa say to the naughty child?
Don't make a scene.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?
It needed a trim.
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How does a snowman get around?
He goes ice-skating.
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What's the most popular Christmas store in Scotland?
Santa's Grotto.
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Why don't Christmas trees like to iron?
Because they're always pressed for time.
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What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate clauses.
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Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?
He felt crumby.
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What did the Christmas wreath say to the door?
I'm hooked on you.
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Why did the elf hide in the Christmas tree?
He wanted to play hide and seek.
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How do you fix a broken Christmas tree?
With tree surgery.
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What do you call a penguin in the North Pole?
Lost.
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Why was the nativity scene so quiet?
Because all the figures were plastic.
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What does a snowman like to eat for breakfast?
Frosted flakes.
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Why did Rudolph join a band?
He had the red solo.
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What's a Christmas elf's favorite movie?
The Elf of the Rings.
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Why was the Christmas present so happy?
Because it was finally being unwrapped.