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Why did the teacher bring a ladder to school?
Because she wanted to go to high school.
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What did the math teacher say when the student asked for extra help?
I can't give you any more—you're already in debt.
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Why was the music teacher always calm?
He knew how to handle the treble.
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How does a history teacher answer the phone?
To be, or not to be—hello?
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What's a science teacher's favorite kind of snake?
A blackboard eraser.
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Why did the English teacher love her new desk?
It had excellent composition.
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What did the art teacher say to the messy student?
You're drawing a blank.
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Why did the geography teacher retire?
She couldn't find her way around the classroom anymore.
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How does a PE teacher start every lesson?
Let's get moving—no time to waste!
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What did the substitute teacher say to the class clown?
I've got my eye on you—and my lesson plan.
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Why did the biology teacher take a nap during class?
She was studying the sleeping cycle.
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What's a teacher's favorite fruit?
A date—especially when they're grading papers.
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Why did the computer teacher break up with the internet?
Too many pop-ups.
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How does a chemistry teacher stay organized?
She uses element-ary filing.
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Why did the teacher always carry a red pen?
To mark her territory.
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What did the principal say to the teacher who won the lottery?
Now you can finally buy some new chalk.
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Why was the drama teacher so good at arguments?
She always had stage presence.
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What's a teacher's favorite board game?
Bingo—because they love calling out numbers.
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Why did the teacher cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
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How do you know a teacher is lying?
Their lips are moving.
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What did the kindergarten teacher say to the rowdy kid?
You need to shape up—literally, you're a square.
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Why did the physics teacher bring a blanket to class?
To cover the theory of relativity.
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What's a teacher's least favorite swimming stroke?
The backstroke—too many back-talkers.
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Why did the spelling teacher go to the doctor?
She had a bad case of the 'i's.
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How does a teacher say goodbye?
See you later, alligator—after class.
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Why did the teacher wear sunglasses in the classroom?
Because her students were so bright.
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What did the history teacher name his pet snake?
Tut-an-khamen.
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Why do teachers love the word 'detention'?
It's a period they can actually control.
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How many teachers does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but the lesson plan takes two weeks.
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What's a music teacher's favorite type of bread?
Conduct-o.
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Why did the teacher eat her homework?
Because the dog wouldn't.
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What do you call a teacher who never stops talking?
A lecture note.
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Why did the gym teacher fail the tetherball test?
He didn't have the right angle.
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What did the student say to the teacher who solved a sudoku?
You're number one.
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Why did the teacher put sunscreen on herself?
To avoid UV rays—Unnecessary Verbalness.
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How does a teacher answer the door?
Knock it off—I mean, come in.
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What's a teacher's favorite kind of pizza?
Pepperoni—because it's always a snap.
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Why did the teacher write on the window?
She wanted to make her point clear.
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What did the math teacher say when the class got too loud?
Divide yourselves into quiet groups.
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Why was the history teacher always so tired?
She spent all day in the past.
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How does a science teacher clean a whiteboard?
With a periodic tablecloth.
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What did the English teacher say about the comma?
It's a pause for applause.
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Why did the teacher refuse to play hide and seek?
Because good students are always found.
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What's a teacher's favorite day of the week?
Grading-day, because it's all marks.
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Why did the teacher become a gardener?
She wanted to watch her seeds bloom.
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What do you call a teacher who can do magic?
A spect-actor.
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Why did the teacher go to the bank?
To check her interest rate on homework.
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How does a geography teacher write a love letter?
With a compass pointing straight to your heart.
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What did the art teacher say about the crayon?
It's a little drawn out.
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Why did the teacher stop using her car?
She ran out of students to carpool.